Soon it’ll be the big day and the whole world will really find out who’s really in the Billy Clinton and Momma Circle courtesy of their dry cleaned princess Chelsea. That said, media bandits are already trying to figure out who exactly is invited (not us, that’s for sure), where the Camelot wedding will be taking place (sources claim the princely estates of Rhineback, NY as opposed to the local Irish pub we would have planned) and how much exactly the drinking fun will cost?
- $100,000-$200,000 to rent Astor Courts
- $500,00-$750,000 for two dinners and cocktail hours
- $200,000 for tents
- $250,000 for flowers
- $40,000 for the band
- $25,000-$40,000 for a “good wedding photographer”
Can we break down these cost kids? $100- $200 000 to rent Astor Courts? Are they putting a deposit on the place? Really, we could know of a few gutted factories in Detroit that would have been happy to have someone sweep the place clean for the combined bargain price of $499 plus tip for the sweeper.
$500- $750 000 for dinner? With 450 expected guests this breaks down to an average of $14 000 per guest. Which begs the question, what are they using for chicken broth? Diamond shaved carrots? Will they at least be offering doggie bags and can the Clintons get a money back on items half way eaten, that way some dinners only end up costing $7000 per head.
$200 000 for tents? Is this a joke? The guy down the street will stand put on his high heels with his sisters and sew the most amazing melange of silk embroidery you can find in the Hasidic community.
Total anticipated price $1300, $35 extra per necessary stilts necessary to hold the silk tent up, plus another 15 percent for this magazine’s cut for referral fee.
$250 000 for flowers? I will personally go out and collect the freshest flowers I can possibly find in the Hudson Valley, polish the leaves with my own saliva, rent a big U haul to put them in and deliver for the cut rate price of $1100. For an extra $75 I will cut the thorns off all the roses and spray the room with honey scented coating post deodorant spray. The spray can I will pay for out of my own pocket.
$40 000 for the band? Are you crazy? For $900 I will play all my best soundtracks that go back all the way back to the early 80’s. Most likely played sound tracks include, The Bee Gee’s Staying Alive ( I promise to play the entire Cd dressed as John Travolta), The Village People and the entire back to back Abba favorite soundtrack albums, including my personal favorite- ‘Fernando.’ For an extra $600 I can round up the kids around the block and we’ll even play second hand covers of all these songs. Gratuitities will of course be highly suggested.
$25,000 – $40, 000 for the wedding photographer? Are you kidding us, one phone call to Patrick McMullan and we can have the wedding done for a cut rate price of $1100, not including the film of course.
Will you be slumming it with Chelsea soon? Mazeltov darling.