Home Scandal and Gossip BP unveils new plan.

BP unveils new plan.


Spilling Giant and obnoxiously rich, monolithic haven of scum and villainy BP has just unveiled a new plan to control profits the seemingly endless eruption of animal and livelihood killing oil. Sadly, there isn’t a funny name for it.

After watching its gross negligence cause precious aquatic animal life its stock shares to decline by a whopping 50 percent, BP unveiled a major plan earlier today to significantly increase the amount of oil it is siphoning off from CEO Tony Hayward’s hands its blown-out Gulf of Mexico well. BP executives aren’t out of the tar-infested woods just yet, however.

It seems Congress is due to grill BP executives at hearings on Tuesday and Thursday. Much to the public’s dismay, members of Congress aren’t going to literally grill BP executives and serve them up on the fourth of July.

It seems as though Democratic lawmakers Henry Waxman and Bart Stupak wrote to BP CEO Tony Hayward, accusing BP of taking risky short-cuts that had increased the danger of a “catastrophic well failure.”

“It appears that BP repeatedly chose risky procedures in order to reduce costs and save time and made minimal efforts to contain the added risk,” the letter said.

BP might want to consider bringing the A-team to protect them from House and Energy Chairman Henry Waxman (D-Calif) who played the main character in Dr. Seuss’s The Lorax–a delightful allegory concerning the plight of the environment and the carelessness of industrialized society.

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