With the upcoming memorial day weekend rush just upon us we’ve started to wonder how the majority of you will actually spend that Monday off and turn it as we expect into a monster spill and drink session by the pool with all your new office friends who will be secretly trying to figure out why they invited you in the first place to their private oasis.
1/ Being a good citizen and conscientious objector of war you will forgo your daily ritual of getting drunk and this year will make the trek to Washington to offer your condolences to the fallen, assuming you don’t cave in Friday afternoon.
2/ You will sit in a bus called the Hampton Jitney with other fluffy Manhattanites and make your first trek to the Hamptons. Some where along the way someone will begin to talk loudly into their cellphone about their new boyfriend or girlfriend who used to be your boyfriend, girlfriend last Memorial day weekend. Rest assured your teeth will slowly begin to grate…
3/ This year you will sit in a long traffic jam listening to Yazz’s ‘The only way is Up,’ where ever you are going while you begin to desperately call the little delivery boy (who has the relief you need) and wonder if they can come and meet you to wherever you are supposed to be going.
4/ Stay home, make a pig of yourself, wear your new fluffy pink Miss Piggy slippers and cry how despicable you are because no one had the tenacity to invite you anywhere.
5/You will lock yourself in your room and announce that you will finally catch up on all that sleep you have been dreaming about until you room mate drags you to more bacchanalia.
6/ You will try to write the great American novel and fail.
7/ You will sit down and read PerezHilton back to front and suddenly fully comprehend why American culture has disintegrated.
8/ You will head to the NJ shore on a whim and suddenly realize it was the worst decision in your life.
9/ You will invite all your friends to drop by for a bbq and consequently spend the rest of the weekend regretting it as you mop after their drunken stupor.
10/ You will look longingly at the mirror and without quite understanding it cry.