Why California is popping champagne bottles.
The world told her not to do it- but Lilo had to go anyway because as we told you yesterday she heard through the grapevine crack grows out of the alleyways in South of France and since she had to smoke its sweet nectar and hustle whatever you tend to hustle when you are an official movie star, flop- Lilo is now officially a wanted by the court of law in California for failing to turn up for her DUI progress hearing here in America.
Of course Lilo’s lawyers put up a good fight and muttered something about if Judge Marsha Revel behaves herself Lilo will promise to take her to her favorite crack den in Malibu. Of course unlike me and you, Judge Revel couldn’t give a hoot about Lilo, even if Lilo’s lawyers insisted that her freckled ass was now a cultural institution and that one day France when it got over its shock of hosting Lilo this week will make her an honorary scumbag of the highest proportions. The lawyers then tried another trick and tried to explain that in France it’s a bitch trying to get a new passport to get your ass back for a court hearing on time in the US, which is why Lilo tried unsuccessfully to make her own passport out of used cocaine bags- which as you can imagine didn’t go to far with the hot male stud she was screwing who was valiantly trying to suck the last juicy bits out of all the cokey bags.
Of course being human the judge said Lilo will be allowed to return to California as a free person as long as she coughs up $100 000 for bail, once a week drug testing, and wears a special fun monitoring bracelet which will always let Judge Revel know when Lilo is on the way to her crack dealer.
All of which has us wondering that it may be time for Lilo to renounce her US citizenship and become France’s problem.