A cursory look around America wont reveal too much good news these days. With unemployment on the rise and the the disparity between the haves and the have nots gaining altitude we decided to contemplate where the most ideal place of homelessness will be going forward assuming everything keeps going south and you too finally get to join (if you haven’t already…) the once unimaginable ranks of the widening homeless.
From bad to worse…
1/ Our most preferred place of homelessness, although not ideal is our parent’s basement. Fond memories and soon to be bitter fights will soon make their way, but at least you wont be sleeping on the streets.
2/Key West, Florida. Why? Because it’s always warm, full of tourists and your typical freaks and if you approach them carefully they are bound to take you in as an apprentice circus clown.
3/Fort Lauderdale, Florida. For the free baser and dope head this is just paradise. Imagine long spent days spent pimping your throat and your inside groins for the beautiful things that will make life bearable for you Highly recommended.
4/ Anywhere in Maine. With Maine bordering Canada you will always be able to ride your bicycle across the border and pick up the amenities that are no longer available in America.
5/ Las Vegas, NEVADA. With a multitude of roaming hotels one can easily spend their days pretending that they are a hotel guest and take ‘power naps’ in the guest arrival lounge. If all else fails there will always be a need for hookers which could realize you a wonderful memoir that becomes a best seller one day.
6/ New Orleans, Louisana. With New Orleans being the unofficial forgotten city of America there is bound to be an empty home courtesy of Hurricane Katrina that has yet to be claimed.
7/ Fort Worth, Texas. Close to proximity to militant gangs, one can eventually summit the courage and become a militant themselves and within time find the courage to blow themselves or stray goats apart.
8/Baltimore, Maryland. With Baltimore being the capital of guinea pig experiments you can theoretically sign up to spend the rest of your life as a lab rat, going from clinic to clinic volunteering to have your spleen ruptured and your mouth stuffed with yet to approved toxic pills. At least you will already in a hospital when your eventual health goes.
9/ Los Angeles, California. With Hollywood down the street this could be your one opportunity to finally be the star you always thought you were. Of course if all fails there’s always skid row down the street from Hollywood too.
10/ Penn Station, NY. New York will always have money and although the local cops don’t take too nicely to you homeless bums sleeping in the vicinity of disillusioned New Yorker’s eye sight there will always be the prospect of waking up one morning and finding a hundred dollar note in your pocket, although we hardly doubt it.