The things that we’d like to point out to you.
Riding escalators like most ventures in public is often fraught with social faux pas, social faux pas that often go un addressed until you came to this column.
So let’s go over some social protocols together-
1/ I shall not hog the escalator, stand on the wrong side while half of Manhattan is trying to get past me.
2/ I shall not call my girl or whatever standing next to me – ‘bitch,’ or ‘yo son,’ Never ever again.
3/ I shall never beat my kids up in public, especially in a fast moving escalator no matter how much the urge comes.
4/ I shall never publicly talk about my exploits while we’re all stuck on a slow moving escalator.
5/ I shall never ever pass ‘gas’ while we’re all stuck in a congested escalator.
6/ I shall never ever eat greasy food like fried chicken and then wipe my hands on the handrail.
7/ I shall never ever look anyone coming down the other side of the escalator square in the face if I look like the hunchback of Notre Dame.
8/ I shall refrain from trying to make a pass at a total stranger who is screaming inside their head to be left alone by you.
9/ I shall never ever get drunk and then pass out on some innocent bystander.
10/ And we never ever want to see you get sick and throw up on half the escalator like you did that one year back in 2003…