Home Scandal and Gossip Where to hang out in Williamsburg if you are into dating hipsters.

Where to hang out in Williamsburg if you are into dating hipsters.

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The art of seduction along Bedford Avenue.

Hipsters on the whole are wonderful, beautiful people fully equipped with low slung jeans, ironic expressions and paperback copies of JD Salinger’s ‘Catcher in the Rye.’ That said, from what we have been told they make wonderful mating partners. That said we decided to have a think amongst ourselves to try and figure out where you are most likely to meet the right hipster for you.

1/ The first choice of aspiring hipster daters is the Bedford Avenue Stop along the L line. Unlike most New Yorkers, hipsters do not avoid your glare (stare) while riding packed on the subway. They in fact welcome it. A long tongue dripping/eye fucking session should always be  followed with a cursory introduction and the jotting down of your potential new date in your ‘mole’ skin diary.

2/ Second preferred place of meeting datable hipsters involves the Salvation army directly across from the train station on North 6th and Bedford. The way love works here is you casually check each others stove pipe jeans and then ask if you can be each others reflection as you force your skinny ass into those tight jeans. Whether you know it at the time or not, acting as each others sales clerk will elicit tingly feelings down both your crotches.

3/The next preferred venue is one of the many Thai or Vietnamese restaurants that exist up and down the drag. We recommend that you go alone to one of these establishments and if you’re half way cute (loaded) you will soon elicit the attention of the opposite sex who by now is kind of getting tired repeating for the third time to their cell phone participant that they are getting sick of being lonely all the time.

4/We also like the specialty cheese store that exists on North 3rd and Bedford. The sight of European cheese should at least inspire one of you to respond ironically.

5/This being Williamsburg, we also like the many bars that stretch the terrain. We understand happy hour starts at 2pm in Hipsterville, giving most hipsters ample courage to talk to the other person come circa 3.30 pm.

6/ This being Williamsburg terrain, can we suggest the local indie bookstore that we have not been in many years. Girls with hairy legs are often there solemn looking at their reflections in the mirror. Why not that reflection be you?

7/ The skateboard ring. Yes, it exists,on N11th, between Whythe and Berry. This my dears should speak for itself.

8/ We also think the new condominium foyers should elicit a plethora of suggestive chit chat for the hipster in heat. Talking about your stove pipe jeans or the latest book you are working on as inspired per JD Salinger will lead to wonderful possibilities.

9/ The gutter. As we approach 9pm, one can on any night come across various gutters with various inebriated individuals laughing at themselves and the world. Why not let them laugh at you too?

10/ Crack dens. This being Williamsburg, one can if they look closely come across the old forgotten crack den where they too if they are into self annihilation can find a compatible partner. Of course heroin is also an option too.

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  • sam

    I think it was probably a response to the poor punctuation, the “ly” lacking after solemn in point six and various other egregious grammatical errors. Take your time, proofread. You’ll have snark perfected before you know it.

  • Horrible or are you just offended because you happen to be one of those crack heads I have to walk over on my way home?

  • dasher

    this writing is horrible. truely.