How to mastermind quick exits even if it’s one of your best friend’s weddings…
There comes a point in everybody’s life that as much as you wish the new wedding couple in front of you a long and blessed marriage you also sometimes wish you could find a very long roll of masking tape to tightly bound around their muzzles, and let’s not even mention the best man who usually has the unenviable role of sucking up to the groom because somewhere in their past life they made a pledge to each other to lie about each other and omit offensive details about their childhood and college years.
That said, these things do happen and one at times will find themselves at one of these weddings, cringing, nearly crying, nearly laughing, but secretly wishing they would all hurry up so you could graciously make it home without making some lame excuse why you suddenly have to leave
Here are the top five excuses we have used in our lifetime that we recommend:
1/ Claim you really are sick, and that a quick visit to the emergency room (codeword for the glamour party down the road) is really where you ought to go just to be on the safe side.
Of course never accept their offer to take you to the hospital, as the wedding party may now end up in the emergency room and your worst nightmares.
2/ Tell the couple that the whole thing has stirred emotions too deep for you to handle and a long walk (home ) will help compose you.
3/Tell the groom you have a hot 20 something year old something waiting for you at some hotel, that she paid for and you really can’t disappoint her. Trust us the groom will sprig for the taxi fare.
4/ Tell the groom (never the bride) that your mistress is on her way to the wedding party and you have to preempt her before she arrives. Trust us you will have the groom’s full support.
5/ Tell the bride (never the groom ) that the whole thing is too beautiful and how much you love her and how inspired you are to look up your ex girl friend ( code word the hot date waiting for you at the glamour party down the road).
Exercises in weddings we sometimes wish we didn’t have to tolerate…