In a guest post on her sister’s blog, a Richmond, VA, Homeschool Prom senior named Clare Ettinger told about an incident over this past weekend whereby one of the women organizing her school prom dance disapproved of her dress, even going so far as to make sure it merited the ‘fingertip length’ dress code requirement. When Clare who is 5’9″ finally got into the ballroom she was chagrined when she came to find herself surrounded by shorter girls in naturally much shorter dresses.
Whilst this was going on, on a balcony above the dance floor, a group of dads writes Clare were ‘ogling and talking amongst themselves,’ which led to the 17 year old and her friends kind of being grossed out. Not that the dads objected to the interesting sights unfolding.
After the seniors had been ‘swaying with the music and talking and enjoying ourselves’ for a while, the same chaperone who had complained about Clare’s dress pulled her aside to tell her that some of the dads felt her dancing was ‘too provocative’ and liable to cause ‘impure thoughts.’
I know kids, I’m searching for my set of wet dreams to gestate to as well. As we all know women are always responsible for inspiring men to think nasty thoughts and it’s naturally a woman’s job to keep her sluttiness at bay.
From there Clare writes to tell that she hadn’t even danced in the first place, even asking security guards if they had noticed her acting untoward, whilst once again being told that her regulation finger-length dress was too short.
Unable to understand what she had done to incite commotion, Clare was told to leave the dance, which she agreed to as long as she and her friends who had joined her group and who were now leaving in disgust were all reimbursed their $25 entrance fee. As they were hustled out, only Clare got to receive her refund.
Dance organizers later relented and said they would refund the group’s tickets yet to date Clare’s friends’ parents calling to find out what had happened to their daughter’s refunds have been met with zero recourse.
In her post, Clare insists the Richmond Homeschool Prom ‘refund my group as they verbally promised to do, and issue an apology for kicking me out of my senior prom because their husbands felt as though my body was something they had a right to control.’
‘I’m not responsible for some perverted 45 year old dad lusting after me because I have a sparkly dress on and a big ass for a teenager,” she concludes. “And if you think I am, then maybe you’re part of the problem.’
The administrators of the prom’s Facebook group nevertheless failed to be cajoled despite the avalanche of negative comments about the incident that would follow. Administrators instead chose to delete the negative comments (saved here) and soon there after shut down the page. But at least we can all sit in the comfort in knowing there were some dads that evening who got to relive some old time fantasies. Or maybe they’re just general all round fantasies? Because it’s always a woman’s fault that she is a slut…
Reflects Clare on an ending note: ‘And enough with the slut shaming. Please. Goddamn I’m not responsible for some perverted 45 year old dad lusting after me because I have a sparkly dress on and a big ass for a teenager. And if you think I am, then maybe you’re part of the problem.’
To give a more balanced report of the circumstances, I sent a letter to my local news outlets. I haven’t heard any reply, so I’ll give you the letter directly.
Recently, a young lady was asked to leave the Richmond Homeschool Prom because her dress was inappropriate. She was angry and posted her version of the events on her sister’s blog, which then got picked up by news outlets and went viral. The story reported in the media has a lot of spin that needs clarification. I volunteered at the dance, and witnessed the dress first-hand. In the internet-posted picture, she has pulled the spandex dress down so that it is fingertip length, but at the prom the hemline sat right below her butt cheeks. The dress was definitely not appropriate for a high school prom and did not meet the dress code when it was allowed to ride up.
My family isn’t ultra-conservative. We homeschool for secular reasons. My daughter
wears a sports bra under a cut-up top for sports, and bikinis to the pool. We believe expressing one’s sexuality is a healthy part of being human, but there is a time and a place for that expression. The dress in question was better suited for clubbing in New York City than for an even held by a private organization. Also, this event was held by a private organization, not a public school. They are allowed to develop their own dress code based on their values. No one would bat an eye if a man were asked to leave a black tie event for wearing jeans.
She also talks about “all the dads on the balcony. . . ogling.” I was in and out of the dance room, but the most I ever saw were 4 or 5 adults spread out on the balcony. It was dark, and crowded. It would have been impossible for her to tell what they were looking at, much less if they were leering lustfully 20 feet above. The words used by the young lady to describe the events were specifically chosen to debase the parents who inconvenienced her. For example, “ogling” makes the dads out to be perverts, instead of concerned parents debating about the right thing to do. The media used her words without seeking out the view of the other side simply because those words were sensational and attracted attention. Now, I’m not asserting that there were no pedophiles present at the dance – an unfortunate fact of our world is the abundance of creepy, often dangerous, people – but I didn’t witness or hear about any behavior that deserves such vile labeling. If there was such behavior, it wasn’t coming from the balcony.
There has been much speculation about the true reason for this person’s expulsion, the leading idea being her boyfriend’s race. However, there were other multi-racial couples in attendance, as well as what looked like a lesbian couple Therefore, I think these claims are baseless.
I don’t know whether or not I would have asked her to leave. What concerns me is the assumptions that the media and its viewers have made about the events. There has been very little investigation into the nature of the events. It frightens me to think that reputations can be destroyed for the sake of a sensationalism. The danger is that people can be swept up by the passion of emotionally-charged (but uncontested) claims, and the result is a mob mentality of self-righteous anger inappropriately directed toward innocent people, an anger with no basis in truth. And this danger is already coming to pass. To many in the online community forming opinions based solely on the words of one young lady, the events at this dance seem to be reinforcing hurtful stereotypes. For example, that all homeschoolers are socially-inept, right-wing, fundamentalist, purity-ball-attending, creationist prudes whose fathers are closet pedophiles and mothers are jealous, frigid whore-haters. Buying into stereotypes like this is an ugly and disquieting trend.
I don’t want this young lady’s reputation to be ruined by her grab for fifteen minutes of fame. We all look back at certain parts of our teen years and cringe. I just hope this doesn’t become her defining moment. It would be utterly terrible if the truth comes out, and then something really does happen where she needs to rally her troops. She would no longer have her integrity to support her, and perhaps not her friends and family either. Almost as bad is if she learns that being the victim gets a bigger reward than being accountable. It makes me sad to consider that our young people are encouraged to develop unethical character by commercial-driven media and titillated voyeurs, hungry for their next fix.
Big ass? Really? Where? LMAO hunny, your flat as a pancake in that photo! Bwahahahaa, so seriously, where is the news?