Home Scandal and Gossip A Columbian Cocaine Submarine Captain wants to explain how you get high.

A Columbian Cocaine Submarine Captain wants to explain how you get high.

SHARE

Ever wonder how it is you exactly get access to the good shit? Captain Gustavo Alonso will now explain…

For most of you bitches getting white skid marks under your nostrils it’s just a question if you have the number to a reputable drug dealer (which kind of strikes as an oxymoron as since when did being a drug dealer ever be a reputable career move)- but then spare a thought as to how the good shit actually makes it up your nostrils on a Monday night in the first place…

Gawker: Gustavo Alonso was the captain of a cocaine submarine based in Colombia, until he was arrested at sea with 3.5 tons of coke on board. He soon realized that solitary confinement in prison was better than working for the cartels.

German weekly Der Spiegel interviewed “Alonso,” who spoke on condition of anonymity for obvious reasons. Alonso served several years in prison, two of which were spent in solitary confinement. He had worked for years as a fishing boat captain, but when his wife became ill and needed a $40,000 medical procedure which he couldn’t afford, an “acquaintance” offered to help Alonso out. After his wife’s operation, Alonso was again approached by the man, who now wanted a favor in return — to pilot a narco submarine.

Which is to say, the best way to get the good shit over to your neck of the woods is to find a vulnerable individual who will be forced to accept the greeting call of the local cartel and before he knows it one Sunday afternoon he is quietly making his way up the inner sanctum of your coastal branch, albeit a few hundred feet deep in misery and fear, but hypothetically richer, assuming he makes it back alive and not caught. Not that you really care, assuming he makes it before you get in the mood again…

Next time you inhale the magic stuff, just remember 1 out of 3 times it came courtesy of Captain Gustavo Alonso, until that it is he one day he landed stranded in a new jail cell…

SHARE
Like Scallywagvagabond on Facebook