Megan Ward a 19 year old Birmingham, UK student has opened up about anorgasmia, a medical condition which preempts her from having an orgasm and how sex therapy aimed to ‘rewire’ her brain has made her feel like a failure.
In an effort to share her dilemma with others, Ward hopes to engender greater understanding of her condition and those who also suffer it, believed to be related to general anxiety which often puts most sufferers off sex entirely.
Writes the student via The Tab of a condition which preempts one in twenty women from orgasming: ‘I have never, not once, not by myself, not with a partner, not with a vibrator, had an orgasm.
‘I guess it’s impossible to know what you’re missing out on when you’ve never had one, so it’s hard to want something you can’t imagine.’
After suffering for so long, Megan sought to do something about and started seeing a sexual therapist last March.
She said: ‘Sex therapy is a specialised form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. What you do is try to change some of what they call your ‘maladaptive thinking patterns’ towards sex.
‘There are a whole host of reasons why women develop anorgasmia, and different ways of it manifesting.
‘Some don’t even get close to coming, and it’s often a lack of stimulation which causes it (basically, the guy being bad in bed).
‘This isn’t the case with me. I have four different kinds of vibrators, I am very well stimulated, thank you. But when I get close, it’s like a wall is put up in my head and I involuntarily force all stimulation to stop.
‘Everything that was turning me on suddenly repulses me and I just can’t continue. Something subconsciously is telling me I can’t have an orgasm. So the therapist will talk to me and try to ‘rewire’ my brain and how it thinks about sex.”
Despite the therapy Megan Ward didn’t make any progress and after eight sessions stopped going.
‘My therapist had, at the start, been confident that I wasn’t the one woman in 20 who never climaxes.
‘But as the weeks went by, and nothing was getting better, we both got confused and frustrated.
‘I was using the methods I had been told and it still wasn’t happening. I was a failure. That was the only way I could see it. My body was meant to be able to do this apparently wonderful thing but it couldn’t.
‘And the therapy, which worked for others, wasn’t working for me, so I was a double failure. I couldn’t handle that. I quit after eight sessions.”
From there the 19 year old tells how she ‘completely lost her sex drive’ which inevitably put an immense amount of pressure on her relationship.
Nevertheless Ward’s boyfriend stuck with her throughout the lowest points though, and the pair once again enjoy an active sex life.
She now plans to go back to therapy in the hope that she can have better sex in the future.
Reiterated Ward: ‘I once described my missing orgasm as missing the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae, only to be told the orgasm was the sundae everything else was the cherry on top.’
‘I want my damn sundae.’
But it’s her thoughts that her condition has left her stigmatized and the notion that somehow sex is taboo for women which may go some way towards explaining why women are so anxious and unable to orgasm in the first place:
‘Our understanding of sex revolves around men and this needs to change.
One in fifteen women have anorgasmia. The average age a woman comes for the first time is 18. For boys, it’s 12.
We teach women that we cannot be sexual beings in the way that men are.
Practically all girls masturbate but it’s still something we only discuss after drinking gross quantities of wine. The attitudes to women and sex need to change.
One day, I am sure that I will be attending the amazing party. I will be having my whole sundae.
But until then, I refuse to be ashamed of my sex disorder.’
And then there were these comments on the web that caught my attention:
Shes 19. She doesnt know her body. And she hasnt been with a man who knows how to please her. Non story.
From a guys perspective….who cares?
can’t orgasm? or WON’T orgasm??