Here’s a new and fun device you might want to contemplate in your daily aspirations to better your love life: The SexFit Ring.
After all if one can wear a device to monitor their heart, their wrist and the electrodes running in your head, why not a device that monitors one’s virility?
The SexFit Ring which we daresay sounds as nasty and as delicious as it promises to be heralds itself as a penile pedometer which in essence measures the wearer’s libido and prowess in bed.
Explains the dailydot: Created by the U.K.-based sex toy company Bondara, SexFit has two basic functions: It’s a standard cock ring that constricts the flow of blood to your member during sex, thus allowing you to maintain an erection for longer, and it’s also a sexual fitness tracker that measures your performance between the sheets, via a free wireless app that connects to the ring via Bluetooth.
You slip the SexFit over the base of your penis prior to intercourse, and set it to “personal trainer vibration mode.” The ring vibrates to a pre-set rhythm, and the wearer’s goal is to match his thrusts to the rhythm of the vibrations “for the most effective stimulation.” (Which seems kind of fascist to me, to be perfectly honest—as a woman, I can attest to the fact that subtle variation, rather than jackrabbit consistency, is almost always preferable during sex—but this is just a prototype, so we’ll let SexFit slide for now… pun intended.)
If you stray from your established rhythm, the ring will light up and deliver a few bursts of vibrations as a warning, so it’s sort of like a judgmental metronome for your penis.
As you’re having sex, the ring records key statistics from your sexual performance, such as thrusts per minute and how many calories you’ve burned during sex. It then transmits these stats to the SexFit app, so after your session is complete and you and your partner are satisfied, you have the option of logging into the app and sharing these details with your friends and loved ones.
All of which posits the awkward question who is actually going to go out and buy this yummy device and as well meaning as it sounds (what man doesn’t want to always be able to show his sexual stamina or at least learn how to improve it) is the device a tad on the awkward and the clunky?
Or will buyers brush off the idea of awkwardness just for the sheer thrill of trying the novelty device? Then again if a whole human species has managed to get this far so far without the aid of such devices do we really need one now? Of course I can imagine some of you smirking- ‘Bloody right!’
And what about our lovers? How will they take to this device? Will they be equally intrigued by your sheer ingenuity or mildly constipated by your general idiocy?
Then again perhaps the SexFit ring’s impending success has a lot to do with the fact that we live in a very competitive society, where we compare ourselves to others, feverishly post selfies and snaps of our latest endeavors and accomplishments cause reminding our friends how much better one is than they are is always so much fun.
And of course what fun will it be to broadcast, tweet and instagram your penile pedometer scores, high fiving the universe that you have a better tool and a perfect thrusting technique than the average Joe down the street.
Naturally you men will evolve to the natural leaders and saviors of all women. Or maybe you’ll just lie in the abyss of a dark room desperately scrambling to measure your libido only to find out it’s vanished and that your deep suspicion that you are really not the man you always thought you were finally realized.
Never mind. What colors did you say the SexFit rings come in?