Home Pop Culture Husband sends wife spreadsheet detailing sex life marriage. Misery ensues

Husband sends wife spreadsheet detailing sex life marriage. Misery ensues

Husband sends wife spreadsheet detailing sex life marriage
Why have one couple run into ‘sexual’ problems …?

A sex deprived husband has sent his wife a spreadsheet documenting their sex(less) life marriage.

The spreadsheet which was divided by attempt numbers, date of attempt, sex or not gained, and excuses offered for no sex came to be shared by reddit user throwwwwaway29 who as it turned out also happened to be the wife in question.

Explained the wife:

My husband [M26] sent me [F26] an immature, inflammatory email as I was driving to the airport for a 10-day work trip. Now he has cut contact.

submitted  by throwwwwaway29

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.

Husband sends wife spreadsheet detailing sex life marriage

At one point the wife tells: Our sex life HAS tapered in the last few months, but isn’t that allowed? We are adults leading busy, stressful lives. I cook for him, I do his laundry, I keep our house clean and tidy. It’s not like our sex life was going to be this way FOREVER, it was a temporary slow-down due to extenuating circumstances.

Which elicited this response from one reddit user circlejerkrt 329 points :

Wishful thinking. If you want to have intimacy you need to make an effort to prioritize it. Owning a house is work. There won’t be a time when the lawn doesn’t need mowing or the bathroom cleaning or the dishes or laundry or a light fixture or washing machine needs replacement. And once you have kids you’ll have even less down time.

It sounds like you’ve just been putting off intimacy until sometime unspecified in the future where neither of you will have responsibilities. That just won’t happen.

Your husband’s behavior needs to be addressed as its own issue separate from your sex life! His communication style is absolutely absurd!

You also need to address your priorities for intimacy. If you want a physical relationship you need to be able to account for that during you normal life instead of putting it off to some mythical slow period in the future.

Since the existence of the spreadsheet various commentators have sought to understand why in fact the couple have come to what many appears a sexless marriage. Many mused that it was par for the course if the couple had been with each other for an extensive period, if underlying psychological/emotional needs weren’t been addressed (my bet) if the wife was cheating, if the couple had incompatible sex drives, if the husband was too vanilla or just no longer attractive to the wife or if the wife herself had come to a place in her life where other mandates other than sex were more fulfilling and time sensitive.

Then it could also be the wife’s passive aggressive way (as women generally hold the power of sex over a man) of trying to send her man a message: she’s no longer in to you, or you may want to start buying flowers again as opposed to expecting it on tap….



  1. She should not be trying to shut him up. She should be compromising with her husband to reach a solution both can live with. The old way of just expecting your partner to accept constant ejection, never question it, and (by the way) expecting total faithfulness is totally unfair. This old way of dealing with marital sex differences will not last and is doomed for failure once the husband (or wife) is tired of putting up with it. You compromise on everything else in the marriage (where to live, having kids, etc.). Why do people think sex should be exempt from compromise in a marriage.

  2. Sex withholding–the number one unspoken silent killer of marriages and the number one starter of many affairs. The sad part is that this same woman will probably wonder in a few years why her husband is cheating on her. Note to all low libido women and men: take care of your partner before someone else does it for you.

  3. At least he was persistent. You think she could have at least given him a hand job to shut him up.

  4. “women generally hold the power of sex over a man”
    Excuse me, I seem to have stumbled through a wormhole into Victorian England.

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