It seems our collective media whore, Lindsay Lohan is in a bit of a bind as she came to lose her laptop at a Shanghai, China airport. But what may be vexing Lilo more than the laptop itself is the contents of that laptop which as it seems given the desperate nonchalance (talk about oxymorons) that our hero has been displaying.
Although Lindsay Lohan has yet to spell the nasty shit out, vanilla scents and burned wax drops are suggesting that the cache of material on Lilo’s laptop include copious amounts of nude photos of her. Something that Lilo would never want to get in the wrong hands. Of course there’s always a price for that shit too but for the time being we can assume this is private naughty stuff that only Lilo’s knowing wink can tell.
desperate good sport that she is, Lilo went on twitter reminding us all that her laptop was now missing and if in the event anyone came across it to please neatly send that shit to her. Of course there will be a reward. As much as you like as long as that damn laptop arrives back in my safety box.
Tweeted our hero, who has since erased her tweets (oh well):
It was great to be in China and I want to thank everyone for their hospitality, however someone has stolen my computer at the airport..
…offering a reward for anyone who can retrieve and rtn it, bummer to go home w/o it. xo L
Translation: It was great to be in China peddling my wares but my nonsense self did something nonsense wise and now I am getting on my knees and blowing you cause I pretty please just want you to give me back my computer. Money of course is no problem as my life will be over anyway should your ass post the shit on the web. And bummer is my way of saying there’s a bottle of Jack sitting by my dresser should I need to drown my sorrows.
TMZ realizing that this sudden loss is an even bigger bummer than our hero is letting on is surmising that the reason our hero is so worked up (but in an understated way of course cause she doesn’t want half of Shanghai trolling underneath airport benches) is cause of the various nude images of herself that they have since come to learn that exist on the laptop. Images and videos that were never supposed to be released to the likes of you and me. Until very soon.
Complicating matters is tmz‘s assertion that Lilo has ‘private correspondences‘ from a bunch of famous people (duh!), including Woody Allen and Lady Gaga, that she wants to keep precious private. Which might or might not be true or just a convenient guise as to why Lilo is so afraid her laptop might end up in the wrong hands. Not that you and me would mind too much.
If only your laptop could open its mouth and scream a thousand secrets about you too….
above image found here