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Anal sex. How it suddenly became the grim reaper that women are now forced to exact at the mercy of leery men.

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Anal Sex; Why women are now doing it more often?

Yesterday Jezebel published an article describing in essence how women have been increasingly forced to subject themselves to the lascivious desires of men who wish to use anal sex as a way to control women and exact the ultimate commitment. Or at least that’s the way Hugo Schwyzer‘s article appeared to me.

To say on many levels I was piqued by this assertion and then finally outraged stirred in me a desire to explore the themes Mr Schwyzer raised and counter that as much as some pornography depicts men as aggressors or at least the initiator with respects to such domains it has been my personal experience and that of many of my male friends that in reality (not fantasy as porn is often based on) women often instigate such desires and as men we rise to such intimate affairs with some degree of trepidation and yes excitement too. But to paint us men as hunters on the hunt for anal sex is quite misleading and a sly trick of the author to portray himself as the ultimate protector of women’s rights.

But before we explore this themes let’s at least examine the evidence of what Mr Schwyzer tells us is the incidence of higher manifestation of anal sex:

The recent rise in the popularity of heterosexual anal sex among young people is demonstrable and has been documented in a series of studies over the past few years. As the Journal of Sexual Medicine announced in 2010, 40% of women age 20-24 report having done it at least once. The number of 18-19 year-olds who’ve been anally penetrated rose by 20% between 1992 and 2010. Whatever the catalyst for the rise in anal intercourse, its popularity is supported by data as well as anecdote.

Reading this information one is curious to wonder if the increase in anal sex has something to do with the general curiosity amongst couples to try a variety of sexual acts as the idea of what sex means has become more liberal and increasingly attuned to the mutual pleasure of both parties. In fact the incidence of more anal sex is a reflection of wider acceptance amongst consenting adults that such sex can indeed be quite pleasurable and not necessarily something ‘dirty,’ or ‘derogatory’ that our grandparents or priests may have told us whilst we were growing up.

But here’s where the real pinch comes:

While the existing research verifies a rise in the number of young people having anal sex, what it doesn’t yet measure is how many young women are pressured to do it. More than a few of the female commenters in my Facebook thread mentioned that they’d been asked repeatedly by boyfriends to, as one put it, “go to 5th base.” Another, Alexandra, wrote that “it seems like butt sex is a constant expectation now. It’s depressingly predictable… I’d say pretty damn near every guy I’ve ever dated or hooked up with has asked me if he could do it.” Like several other women in the thread, Alexandra noted she’d never actually tried anal, but was tired of fending off the men who plead to be the first.

Fending off anal sex? Really? Are we as men to believe that? If truth be known it is often and still remains the prerogative of women who she will have sex with (as much as a man may attempt to influence her decision) let alone anal sex. That a woman is somehow forced to accede to this demand strikes me as presumptuous and lacking in the understanding that as much as men often control the financial shots of a relationship (but that too is changing) it is often women who decide if and what type of sex will occur or not (otherwise it would be rape).

And here’s the real offense:

More so than with any other sex act in mainstream heterosexual porn, in depictions of anal sex there’s an explicit connection between women’s discomfort and male arousal. A cursory examination of the most popular videos in the genre suggests that the real money shot isn’t the image of a penis entering a woman’s rectum as much as it is the image of her unhappy face as she’s penetrated.

Really? Men are wishing to perform anal sex to subjugate a woman? To make her unhappy? To assert their own power? If this were the case I would dare think that instead of a general trend of more anal sex in society it would be the other way round- less anal sex as women realized it was both uncomfortable and demeaning to them. But the trends suggest otherwise, rather it suggests that men and women are more open to such affairs and that we only proceed with them because we are consenting adults who ultimately wish to please our partners as much as we aim to please ourselves.

And again:

It’s hard not to see the growing popularity of anal sex as yet another manifestation of the pressure on young women to focus on performance rather than on their own pleasure. Because it is both so agonizing (for some) and so intimate, receiving anal is instantly recognizable as the most selfless of common sexual acts. Giving a blowjob is generally less painful — and you can even keep your clothes on. The payoff of letting your boyfriend fuck you in the ass isn’t the humiliation that’s eroticized in male-centered pornography. The payoff isn’t even the chance to prove your devotion to a guy. Perhaps the greatest incentive to do anal is the chance to prove the all-important capacity to endure pain.

Is that to say that all men are just jack bunny rabbits programed to inflict pain, control and get their rocks off with (article continues next page)

  • Luise Punge

    “I’d be even more curious to meet women who would willingly subject themselves to such humiliation” – Sadly, many women have very low self-esteem when it comes to their relationships and are desperate to please. This idea that sex is something women do for their men (instead of for the pleasure both partners get) still lurks around, even if it’s in the subconsciousness. Something that troubles me is that I know men who have anal sex with their girlfriends but are freaked out by the idea of as much as a finger in their own butts.. despite the very much real existence of the prostate and possibility of orgasm from it, as opposed to the – at least – controversal possibilty of physical pleasure for a woman receiving anal (psycological pleasure is undoubtedly possible – as with any act). Homophobia is an easy explanation. Still it continues to baffle me.

  • Jimmy B Rustle

    God bless you!

  • BigBob

    I don’t have any college age lovers. I am openly non-monagamous and my lovers range in age from mid-thirties to early sixties. Yes, I get more excellent sex than a modern man deserves. What strikes me though is that all of my lovers enjoy anal sex. They are not doing it to please me, they are having anal sex with me because they like it. It is always an intimate, loving act and never forced. It stands to reason that if all my lovers enjoy and ask for anal sex than there has been an upsurge in popularity. Whether that’s due to porn I couldn’t tell you. In all honesty I’m too busy having real sex with real women to watch porn. Also, since when is it required that women are “bare down there”? None of my lovers are, and they all have other lovers so there certainly doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of pressure from men to be bare. It’s not like when I meet a new potential lover I ask them, do you shave and do you take it up the ass? Or tell them, “We can only have sex if you dont’ shave and have anal sex.” It just strikes me as odd that all of my lovers, through random chance like anal sex and none of them have the desire to be bare down below. Is it perhaps an age thing?

  • I find girls fantasize about it and guys watch it online. In the real world if the logistics of it work and no moral/religious impediments get int the way then i would expect it to happen and so what if it does. http://www.makeanygirlwanttofuckme.com/fuck-girl/

  • Jay

    Heres a thought, and hey maybe it’s just me and my relationships, but we LIKE to do things the other person LIKES! The trend can be put down quite simply to sexual liberalisation and the fact that people are much more sexually educated than ever before.

    You don’t have to hark back far to find a time when showing a woman’s ankle was obscene. Schwyzer seems to be perpetuating an outdated notion of men as controllers and usurpers. Believe it or not all men with wives/gfs I know actually care about their partner.

    Oh and btw, time change, fashions change, and pubic hair amounts change. She can always shave rather than wax (which doesn’t hurt) if she wants to. My gf does it because I like it, it makes sex better and turns me (and consequently her) on.

    The idea that men try to control women through sex is outright ubsurd, it’s the women who have the power in the bedroom for the most part. If not, the relationship doesn’t last.

  • Emma

    Speaking as a female with plenty of experience with anal:

    Anal doesn’t have to be painful for the “bottom.” Building up to it slowly (with fingers, toys, stimulation without penetration, and LOTS OF LUBE) can make it quite a relaxing, enjoyable experience. Some of the strongest orgasms I’ve ever had have been during anal sex, and while there is pain if the angle is wrong or if there isn’t enough lube, a gentle, caring partner can make the process smooth and painless.

    Any anxiety about anal sex is going to make it more painful, which is why I suggest taking things slowly, building up to actual penile penetration. Do NOT just stick it in without first taking the time to explore the area as an erogenous zone. I’d suggest a full, thorough bowel movement beforehand, and avoiding anal penetration altogether if you’re constipated.

  • Shesomessedup

    Prostate is an internal organ, mess with it and prepare money for surgeries.
    on a side note, perhaps you’re forgetting that the vaginal wall is close to the rectum where it can even hit the G-spot? Stop being ignorant please.

  • mugglebugglefest

    Wow, I’d willingly submit to anal. I’d ask for it in fact. Yes, there will probably be pain, however that the idea of anal still turns me on enough that I’m willing to put up with the pain. I’ve experimented on my own with anal play. There were no men around to watch me suffer or inflict unimaginable pain on me. I am a woman and I’d like to say, we’re not all shrinking violets who need to be protected from the big bad penis. Some of us love the big bad penis in every hole 😉 and that doesn’t make us sluts or whores. 

  • LittleJett

    Actually, ‘queer’ is becoming the blanket term for LGBT people, even within the community, mostly because ‘gay’ tends to refer to men only, ‘homosexual’ doesn’t cover transsexuals, and LGBT (and variations thereupon) is hard to say.

    And yes, I’m gay, so I’m not being a ‘self-righteous, complacent heterosexual’. I’m just saying that queer is no longer a derogatory term.

  • Dusty Callinda

    Young women will do whatever they think is ‘normal’ when they are having sex for the first (or third or seventh) time. It often happens while they’re at college, and what I’m hearing from young women in university right now is that ‘hook-ups’ are everywhere, and serious relationships are almost completely absent. So I put some stock in what Schwyzer is saying. And to respond to Scally’s comment that the trends would be going down if women didn’t enjoy it: wait a few years and watch the polls again. It’s not a trend that will have any legs once these young women are older and feel more confident in telling her partner what she will and won’t endure for the sake of being popular with men.

  • Guest

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  • Jaytlr9

    So we’re still using derogatory terms for “homosexual?”  Please save me from these self-righteous, complacent heterosexuals, or whatever you all are calling yourselves these days.

  • Anonymous

    im leaving this one alone lol check out my website http://seodesignconsult.com instead of reading about a typical night at Scally’s house, except there’s ..

  • M. Trib

    I don’t have the link handy but a major study (Kinsey Institute or some such) concluded that the prevalence of porn was making men better lovers.  With women being more satisfied in bed, they were willing to try things like anal. 

  • Inconcievable de Impublishable

    Baby, you know I like when it hurts you.

  • Ms. M

    to think heterosexual men are really the ones missing out here … they
    have a pleasure button inside their rectums women don’t have – the
    prostate. A man not getting his prostate massaged is like a woman never
    having a clitoral orgasm (the only
    orgasm actually, since the clitoris is mostly internal and its erectile
    tissue wraps around the vagina: http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/). DO NOT FEAR, PROSTATE MASSAGE DOES NOT
    MAKE YOU QUEER!!! And any woman can be annoyed guys beg for it an want
    it, but you’re right – it’s TOTES a woman’s prerogative. Personally, I
    wish to be with a man that gives me great great pleasure, and takes
    pleasure in doing so – if a guy gets off causing me pain, that’s just
    not love, nor pleasure, in my book. We are all beautifully different and individual however – to each his or her own!