Home Pop Culture “Merkel is an unf**kable fat ass!” says Berlusconi

“Merkel is an unf**kable fat ass!” says Berlusconi

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Hard to disagree with the Italian Prime Minister‘s comment on this point. Most Italians, polled at the counter while sipping their espresso, double down on the issue, adding that Hillary Clinton is this, and Nikolas Sarkozy is that. As Berlusconi himself explained to Sarkozy during the tense G4 meeting in 2008 (right after Lehman Brothers collapse) quote: “It was me who gave Carla to you!”

You can almost here the pain of policemen listening to one after the other villain’s phone: “Oh no! Not him again!” The new phone conversations wiretapped between Mr. Bunga Bunga and various wanted Italian criminals would make Charlie Sheen blush like a little girl. You might ask, how comes those communist Italian judges, always picking on the Prime Minister’s private phone? Funny story. Berlusconi, a.k.a. Mr. “In my spare time I run a country” (that’s what he said on the phone to one of the escorts to justify why he couldn’t meeet her one night), appears to spend most of his awake time on the phone either with either:

1/Criminals on the run: politely advising them to not come back to Italy or they’d get arrested.

2/Ho’s and blow’s dealers: bragging with them about his recent performances and setting up deals with public companies. After the momentous New Year’s Eve 2009, when the Prime Minister said to the pimp: “I’m under siege, Playboy announced I’m the sexiest politician in the world, I can’t hide.” [I swear this is on tape.] “Last night I had a line outside my bedroom: eleven! I only banged eight because I can’t take more… I’d invite you over, but all my bedrooms are full.”

3/One of the dozens of escorts he’s involved with: discussing details of the party and his own recent performances in the big Putin’s bed, donated to him by the Russian Prime Minister.

During all of the above, happily under the ears of the police and the Treasury cops. In one of the clips, leaked to the press, you can listen to the voice of our very own Mr. Berlusconi, planning with the wanted guy on the run some new parliamentary strategy to grant to himself and to the other Ministers under corruption allegations, immunity from prosecution, and the appointment of the new chief of the Treasury cops, who’s going to protect their friends’ companies from police investigations. This tape is an invaluable piece of literature, a reality show on tape about the “Last days” of this empire.

The latest wiretap is the proverbial cherry. While talking to Gianpaolo Tarantini, the pimp who procured hookers for him and his guests and cocaine for the summer parties, the ever-green prime minister referred to Angela Merkel, the German prime minister, as “culona inchiavabile” – if you want to practice Italian dirty talk with your partner, it sounds something like “koolonah inkiah-vahbeeleh.”  Which literally means “unf**kable lard-ass.” The several other remarks on Sarkozy and Gordon Brown have yet to be leaked.

“Italy is a shitty country. I’m leaving!”

Is that quote by a young Italian PhD who can’t find jobs? Or by the head of the Mafia, chased by the cops?

The Mafia clue might get us closer, but we’re not there yet… The quote is what’s on everybody’s mind in Italy these days. The run on the national debt, downgraded today by S&P, mass unemployment, government members accused of corruption or abetting prostitution. If you ask the average Italian, that’s what they would tell you. Once again, it’s Mr. Berlusconi who is always on the same vibe as his fellow citizens: the man who wants to leave the shitty country is the one who’s been running it for most of the last seventeen years: that’s how great a job he did!

On the bright side, it looks like the most Catholic country in the world is finally loosening up on its proverbial bigotry… The Vatican does not seem to be the least disappointed from the Prime Minister’s numerous sex and corruption scandals, not even by the gory details of the orgies and the underage prostitution. A few weeks ago, a small opposition party proposed to start taxing the ginormous amount of real estate owned by the Church, who does not pay a dime of taxes as of now – in fact, it gets billions of state subsidies on top of that.

When they are not covering up their pedophile colleagues (the pope is set to be charged with crimes against humanity at The Hague), the bishops spend their time working out backdoor deals with the government to get even more money. This time Berlusconi made a real deal with the devil: if the Church speaks up on his corruption-prostitution-cocaine scandal, he is going to  include taxes for the Vatican in the devastating austerity plan Merkel forced on Italy. And here we come full circle. The Prime Minister, blackmailed by the dozens of pimps that know everything about his parties, Mr. Berlusconi is blackmailing the Church in return. Forgot to mention: it’s been a tough day for Mr. Berlusconi, today. He declined coming to the UN meeting in New York City, because he had to appear in court in one of his trials. After such a stressing day, such a demanding hobby to play the Prime Minister, he will finally get back to his quality time…

The nitty gritty details of Silvio Berlusconi’s ‘Bunga Bunga’ parties.

A bidding war has started for pictures of Silvio Berlusconi naked with an underage minor.

A bidding war has started for pictures of Silvio Berlusconi naked with an underage minor.

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