Home Scandal and Gossip Shauna Sand is in the mood to show you her itty bitty...

Shauna Sand is in the mood to show you her itty bitty bikini.

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'Honey, let's go buy a new bikini- this one's too big.'

 

'Life is just a merry go around- and I am the star jewel.'

One day deep in the future Shauna will put on a bathrobe…

Kids, I’ve just spent the last 48 minutes trying to scrape off the foam that seeped out of my mouth and onto the kitchen floor. Why you may ask? Perhaps we better let the Daily Mail, the usual suspects of redundant culture explain. In the meantime, if anyone out there has a steel scrubber with titanium fangs to lend me and the chipmunks, we’d be much relieved…

Dailymail.co.uk : Her day job involves stripping off for men’s magazine’s.

But it seems that Shauna Sand has spent so much time in her underwear that she has forgotten what passes for clothing outside of the Playboy mansion.

After overdressing for the beach in towering, stripper-style plastic platforms, she has now gone the other way, underdressing for a shopping trip in a tiny bikini.

'Honey, let's go buy a new bikini- this one's too big.'

Kids, I have to fess’ up- I haven’t been able to stop looking at those laminated heels since I turned on the candle light in the kitchen foyer. In fact, I have taken to breaking beer bottles and wrapping them in sarem wrap and tying them around my own feet. To be honest- I think the look is rather beguiling, and if Shauna can be a ‘hawt bitch’ why shouldn’t I be able to pull off the same trick on my way to the local bodega?

Former Playboy model Shauna recycled her heels and teemed them with a skimpy blue bikini top and a pair of mini shorts as she strutted around Miami today.

As the newlywed 39-year-old was led hand-in-hand around the Lincoln Road mall by her third husband, she tossed her hair and pouted.

But while she obviously felt fully dressed, passers by seemed slightly taken aback.

One man was caught gawking at the real-life Playmate stalking past.

'Hmm- he looks like a paparazzo- but where's his camera?'

Well, that’s nothing, wait until Sal and Jose at the bodega get a load of me stomping in my new makeshift heels for my morning six pack.

When beauty passes you on the street never be afraid to imitate it, cause nothing can ever feel better than having half of mankind drooling watching as you carve out a fetching presence. 

If only those beer bottles didn’t cause blisters on my tootsies…

'These boots were made for walkin (hustlin' ) in ...
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