As the steamy season intensifies, so does the insistence of that little voice inside ourselves that longs for exciting company. If it’s fine, in the cold months, to huddle oneself up in the comfort of one’s closest friends in a slightly antisocial wintry lull, it is another story when women’s sundresses bloom under the summer rain and when suntanned stretches of skin peek out of men’s button-downs. It suddenly seems like there is a whole new world of possibilities out there and one is finally ready to meet it. In a spirit of camaraderie and to avoid the blubbering embarrassments that await the best of us in the land of bad pick-up lines, here’s a few guidelines to making a graceful affair of encountering your new friend.
Brushing up on the basics first. They should go without saying but sadly they don’t, so here.
1) Dress well. You never know when you’ll need to look good so get a head start by LOOKING GOOD AT ALL TIMES.
Women don’t need to be told this. But gentlemen, you might think that the temperature allows you to take a few liberties with your dress code. You’re wrong. The array of ways to make men’s shorts attractive is almost inexistent. Likely, you’re not the one who can pull it off, and if your instinct is to pair it off with a t-shirt and a baseball cap, you’re already dead in the water, looking like a five-year old wearing hand-me downs from his inhumanely tall older brother – or like a fast-food carrying hick on his way to blockbuster. By contrast a suit will cover a thousand sins. So next time the thermometer flirts with the 100s, have a compassionate thought for the pain endured by women in those slippery, flesh-biting high-heel shoes you enjoy so much, drag those full-size denims with a proper shirt over your hot, hot, hot body and think of england.
2) Be smart, be funny. It applies to both sexes of course, there is no room in urbanites’ hearts for the dumb and duller. Not unlike talent however, this is not something that can be taught. If you don’t have it, you can train yourself to improve a little but you’ll plateau somewhere after a 30% increase. Likely you already know this and have settled for the population that tolerates such shortcomings. Your only fallback of course, says you would have to be breathtakingly handsome (for women at least; dumb and boring pretty boys don’t do as well as their female counterparts – except in times of dire desperation, like new year’s eve or a stunningly romantic summer night, so this is your season: brace up and get dressed.)
3) If you’re drunk or have otherwise unplugged your brain from its optimal lucid function, DO NOT ACCOST STRANGERS, MAKE CALLS, DO NOT TEXT, EMAIL or otherwise try to express yourself to people that aren’t already in the room with you and are hopefully in a similar state of mindlessness. Nothing good will ever come of it. You will have the impulse, fight it. You will take your phone out, PUT IT DOWN (in your pocket, not on the first flat surface you encounter, especially not on the cab seat next to you). Be lucid enough to know that however invincible you might feel, you cannot be trusted. It’s a sad thing to have to remind you of this but we both know you need to hear it.