Maurizio and Roberto Viel. image via gawker.

The Independent has gone and done a feature on an unlikely pair. Or to be succinct, twins. What of course makes Maurizio and Roberto Viel compelling is that they are both plastic surgeons with joint practices out of London and Dubai, they have performed many plastic surgery operations (including on each other) and the one operation that has garnered them particular attention involves penal enlargement (yes you read that right).

independent: “Achieve massive girth”; “Get your giant tool now”: These are genuine subject lines from spam emails that invade our inboxes, offering quack solutions to men who feel small. As the prevalence of porn as well as the increasing exposure of crotches and more on billboards (think David Beckham’s pants ads) helps to fuel a rising sense of inadequacy among many men, penis enlargement has become a growth business.

The problem for those who would make penises larger, however, is that, much more than breasts, for example, they have evolved to withstand great stress and changes in size. They resist almost all attempts to make them permanently bigger.

That last bit must come as a bit of a let down to those chaps resolute on getting their penises to the size that makes one feel more like a man (then again why is it that the size of a man’s penis is so correlated to his masculinity or is that the size of his pay packet? Or neither?)

Nevertheless where there is a will there is a way:

Roberto Viel says he has overcome these challenges, and performs about 200 penoplasty operations a year. Sitting at his desk, he pulls out a gold-nibbed pen and draws a penis. It includes the suspensory ligament, which holds up the erect penis. By partially severing it, having accessed it by cutting away a flap of flesh covering the pubic bone, Viel causes the penis to drop, and hang lower by as many as two inches. The length of the erection is not increased, however, and its angle is lower. “If I cut too much it will be like that,” Viel says, overlaying his drawing with a drooping outline, “and that’s not the best for sex.”

Viel also extracts fat, usually from the patient’s stomach, and injects it under the skin on the top side of the penis, increasing its circumference by more than an inch, whatever its state. Viel keeps some of the fat in his fridge for top-ups, in case it is reabsorbed. The whole procedure, which takes about 90 minutes and is performed under local anaesthetic, costs around £5,000.

5000 quid to feel more like the real you? What’s the expression? If you’ve got it, then flaunt it. If you don’t got it then you better…?

And how popular is penis enlargement anyway?

Roberto Viel says he has overcome these challenges, and performs about 200 penoplasty operations a year. Sitting at his desk, he pulls out a gold-nibbed pen and draws a penis. It includes the suspensory ligament, which holds up the erect penis. By partially severing it, having accessed it by cutting away a flap of flesh covering the pubic bone, Viel causes the penis to drop, and hang lower by as many as two inches. The length of the erection is not increased, however, and its angle is lower. “If I cut too much it will be like that,” Viel says, overlaying his drawing with a drooping outline, “and that’s not the best for sex.”

Penis enlargements now make up half the Viels’s work, bringing in a around million pounds a year in revenue. The twins are accomplished self-publicists, and have appeared in dozens of magazines and newspapers. 

Can you blame them though? Then again seeing as they have been performing the craft of penis enlargement since 1991, they have had many chances to show off their ahem successes…

But then again penis surgery it seems is hardly for the faint of heart:

Viel estimates he has performed 3,000 penis enlargements since 1991. He is fully licensed to carry out his procedure, inspired in part by the pioneering work in the 1980s of Dr Long Daochao, a Chinese surgeon. But it remains a niche technique. None of the 230 surgeons represented by the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (Baaps), which accounts for about 40 per cent of the industry, offers penoplasty. The Viels are not members. Nigel Mercer, a consultant plastic surgeon and former president of Baaps, says, “It’s not something we say every surgeon should offer because there have been lots of unhappy patients.”

And what if you’re thinking about going under the knife too?

Viel also says his success rate is high: “Of course sometimes there are cases when people are not completely happy because of a misunderstanding of expectations before the operation but the likelihood of this is very low.” He also says he offers counselling before and after surgery, and frequently turns away would-be patients. “I say no if they want something I can’t give them,” he explains. “When they want it longer when erect – I can’t do that – or when I think they don’t need it or they have underlying psychological issues.”

Psychological issues. Can you imagine that? The willingness to have a team of doctors go poking around one’s pecker somehow tied to something morbidly unkempt in one’s state of mind? Surely it must be an ego thing? A masculine thing or even an aesthetic one (after all what man doesn’t like to shock onlookers as they straddle in tight jeans on the street?) or maybe it’s just a desperate attempt to improve and extend that part of oneself that no procedure can ever resurrect save for the knowledge that one’s identity needed be based on their size of their genital organs or breast size- but that’s probably me speaking to the wind….

The article itself offers a great read about mishaps and some of the desperate measures some men endure to enlarge their penis and the fact that neither twin has ever engaged in penis enlargement (although I’m sure they would know whom to turn to in the event they ever saw fit to do so….)

Kim Kardashian for L'uomo Vogue. The media whore plays a caricature of herself.

Kim Kardashian scores another fashion spread. How does the media whore keep doing it?

She may never make it on the cover or pages of America Vogue but Kim Kardashian can thumb this in the face of Anna Wintour as the media whore tweeted a picture of herself yesterday appearing in L’uomo Vogue (Italian men’s vogue).

In the photo she dons a short bob (in homage to her mother Kris Jenner?) and hot pants. In the background she’s surrounded by the paparazzi. Of course how fitting given that the Italians invented the term paparazzi and that KK manages to once again live her utilitarian role as the ultimate art meets reality (or is it vice versa?).

Of course it will be interesting to gauge Anna Wintour‘s reaction, America’s Editor in Chief of Vogue who apparently went out of her way to make sure the reality star didn’t get an inviteat the recent Met museum event honoring fashion’s elite.

Kim Kardashian via twitter

Franca Sozzani, Italian Vogue's editor on twitter

Gisele Bundchen for Paris Vogue as photographed by Inez & Vinoodh

Gisele Bundchen to the world: Oh la la, je suis tre jolie…. 

The above may be the sentiments being bestowed (wow- she’s very pretty) as Vogue Paris took a leap of faith and plucked a very cheeky (literally) Gisele Bundchen with a sandy butt on its June/July cover. Once again the Vogue Paris (seems like Emmanuelle Alt, the new editor is doing just fine) is letting the fashion world know why it calls the shots and for that matter Gisele in her own way is also reminding you why she commands the premium that she does and why she happens to be one of the high caliber models making the rounds.

As for those commentators on other sites bemoaning that Giselle is just way too skinny may this male author add, quite on the contrary, the woman is obviously quite fit and takes great effort to retain her lean figure. Of course some things do come more naturally for some of us alas…

Hmm, don’t you wish you were this ‘healthy?’ Unless of course you already are too….

check out  vogue.fr

It’s time to check out H&M’s Middle East Campaign…

Beware of Brazilians, they know how to party.

Tom Brady would like to show off his new hairstyle courtesy of the Met.

Danielle Lloyd

A confident Danielle Lloyd sporting a new much happier look as she parties with the girls on a hens trip in Dubai.

Danielle Lloyd, the former Ms England 2004 is no stranger to the limelight, but things got a bit hairy when she decided that she wasn’t really a fan of her size E breast cup operation and that she would be happier going back to her natural size, a double AA.

Frolicking with girlfriends prior to getting married to footballer Jamie O’Hara, the glamour model was hardly shy as she took to trying on a myriad of bikini outfits, possibly to show onlookers that she was finally quite comfortable in her own skin.

But taking out the implants didn’t come with some degree of conflict:

‘It’s strange because as soon as they took them out I wanted to have them back in again. But now that I’ve actually lived with my breasts the way they are, I feel a lot more confident. I wish now that I’d waited, and waited until I was older. I would probably never have had surgery done.’

Which begs the question, why did Danielle have surgery done in the first place? Was there some presupposed ideal that (like many women these days one could argue) compelled Danielle to take the plunge and exact a perfect look? Then again who said what’s perfect and for every individual who enjoys busty women, there are a lot of individuals who actually enjoy a lithe natural look without plastic reinfiorcement.

How about you ladies? Will you be opting for a revised breast size anytime soon or will you just leave things the way nature intended them?

via dailymail.co.uk

A natural Danielle Lloyd.

Danielle Lloyd; Now and then with sixe E breast cups.

Is Khloe Kardashian a real Kardashian or a fake Kardashian?

Will Khloe Kardashian find out once and for all if she is really Robert Kardashian’s daughter and the legitimate daughter of a media whore clan?

It seems things have been getting uppity heavy for our heroine, Khloe Kardashian lately as rumors have begun spreading once again (yep show business folks) that she may not after all be a legitimate Kardashian, a fact that has many within the family wondering out aloud.

Kim phoned Khloe to make her aware that Robert’s ex-wives were claiming Khloe’s father, who was OJ Simpson’s lawyer, had told them Khloe is not his biological daughter before he died.

The 27-year-old then turned to brother Rob for help, who made a cruel joke by pretending the pair’s mother Kris Jenner had called a family meeting and admitted she had ‘made a mistake as a mother’.

When Khloe became furious at the prank, Rob said: ‘For you to think that you’re not related to us – that’s ridiculous.’

Oh dear! Could it really be and why are Kim and Rob being so mean to their darling sister? Can’t they see she is part of the muck whether she is a legitimate fake or a real fake Kardashian. Could the Kardashian clan be angling to cut our Khloe out of future spoils or just trying to unsettle her for being too good looking?

Oh Khloe, listen to Kris. She knows better than anyone if you are a real or a fake Kardashian!

The next day, Khloe received a phone call from Kourtney, who told her: ‘I was talking to Kim and we were saying why don’t we just get a DNA test?’

Khloe fumed to the cameras: ‘Why would my own sister even ask that?’

When she jetted from Dallas to Los Angeles for a photo shoot with her sisters, the rumours had clearly started to worry Khloe and she expressed her concern to Kim and Kourtney.

Khloe said: ‘This whole thing weirds me out, freaks me out, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. It also kind of scares me, the what if, like what if I’m really not?’

Oh dear, please Khloe don’t fret. I’m sure we’d all still love you if you turned out to be real or fake either way. There’s no question in my mind that you are sweetness reincarnated.

Oh poor Khloe….

But not one for giving into gang pressure our Khloe stood her ground. Reiterating to the cameras the media whore offered:

‘I am one million per cent comfortable with not getting a DNA test and knowing that my father is my father.’

Please baby Jesus let it be true!

However a preview for an upcoming episode of the clan’s family show Keeping Up With The Kardashians suggests the brood decide to all take a DNA test to offer Khloe resolve.

Don’t you wish you were a fake reality actress too? Or maybe just a fake human being? Or maybe you’re just like Khloe- comfortable no matter what anyone anyone has to say to you….?

Wow! We still love you Khloe! HAWT BIXCH!!

via dailymail.co.uk

My gosh! Khloe Kardashian loses 20lbs in 20 days. How did she do it?

Khloe Kardashian will make all you jealous bixches shut your mouths or else.

Khloe Kardashian would like to show you her double chin now that she put away her make up kit.

Tabloid vomit- Khloe Kardashian Pregnant?

The Khloe Kardashian feeding frenzy nearly causes Ok magazine to throw up.

Torika Watters

Torika Watters was stripped of her title because she turned out to be too young to be eligible to win the title or because of wide spread complaints that she did not approximate the look of locals?

A brew in a teacup has been developing ever since 16 year old Torika Watters was first nominated as the new Miss Fiji. At the time when she won it was said that she ought not to have won because her blonde hair wasn’t crinkly enough. Which strikes this author as a kind of reverse discrimination.

What’s interesting to note is that Torika Watters is of mixed European and Fijian heritage but that hardly seemed to matter when organizers asked that Ms Watters was being stripped of her title, coincidentally as widespread condemnation of her winning it took public stage.

Countered the organizers: “Miss Waters failed to legitimately win the competition because she was shy of a few months old of having to be 16 years and 11 months old.”

What though is remarkable is surely organizers knew what Ms Watters’ age was before she participated in the event. It could have hardly been a secret and if there was an oversight it could have hardly been Ms Watters fault. At the time of her entry, Miss World Fiji pageant director, Andhy Blake had made it clear to the young woman that her age would not be an issue.

Torika Watters’ win came at a time where there is wide racial division and unrest in Fiji.

Torika Watters

And how does Torika Watters feel about having to give up her title?

‘I’ve agreed to relinquish it. I was becoming very uncomfortable with the situation.’

She told of ‘lies, deception, the lack of transparency and the lack of professionalism’ as reasons for leaving the Fijian capital, Suva, and the ‘entire pageant fiasco’ to return to New Zealand. I would like to state that I have had no involvement in any of this underhand process and that I have been blind to this entire drama going on behind the scenes.’

Underhand process? Who would of thought that race, prejudice and politics should enter the fray of a beauty contest and more conspicuously how did a 16 year old girl find herself the epicenter of a underlying tensions that stretch back to colonial transgressions and discord with the many race nations including English, Chinese, Indian and Indonesian and Dutch locals….?

via dailymail.co.uk

Queen's underwear

God save the Queen…

Ever wanted to know what Queen Elizabeth’s undergarments look like? Wanted to actually own a pair for yourself? Well fear not as your chance has finally arrived via the estate of Baron Joseph ‘Sepy’ de Bicske Dobronyi which has placed the knickers on ebay amongst other things.

Offers styleite: The baron apparently came into possession of the illustrious underthings after the Queen left them on a private plane in 1968 while traveling to Chile. According to the listing, Sepy was an “aristocrat, sculptor, photographer, royal jewelry designer, art collector, world traveler, sportsman and bon vivant.” They fail to mention the “creep” bit.

Left them on the plane? A creep? Perhaps the baron was just as intrigued as the usual punter when they get their hands on some rather unusual stitches. Then again the Queen’s knickers for a lack of a better word do come off a smidgen stodgy right (could they have instead belonged to the Queen’s mother?)? Surely the Queen must have a couple of g-strings hiding around the closet for when the mood sets in?

Richly embroidered silk undergarment with a monogram of the royal crown with the initial script “E” underneath on the top left, with a designed stitched going across the garment above it. On each side there are two flowers on a stem with leaves and beside it a stem with two leaves. The garment is lined with a beautiful and delicate crocheted lace hem. There are four small pearl-like buttons on the left side.

Can you guess what the Queen herself must be making of all of this?

A blood soaked Yekaterina Pusepa.

This is the type of relationship your mother always told you to stay away from…

A 22 year old woman was found by cops over the weekend sobbing uncontrollably as she lay over her boyfriend who she had repeatedly stabbed a number of times in their Manhattan abode before dragging him down the street. At the time when the police arrived the Russian emigre, Yekaterina Pusepa insisted that her boyfriend had self inflicted the wounds only to recant her story later that evening whilst being questioned. It had also been reported that her 22 year old boyfriend, Alec Katsnelson had also tried a number of times to have his live in girlfriend evicted with little success, with police having to come a number of times to settle domestic flurries in the household.

nypost: She was sobbing furiously — but last night it turned out she was crying crocodile tears as cops charged her with stabbing her beau in a fit of rage inside their Gold Street apartment.

Pusepa, 22, was hauled off in handcuffs from the grisly scene around 3:30 a.m. yesterday. Hours later she was hit with charges of attempted murder and assault in the second degree.

Hmm. Crying uncontrollably. Crocodile tears? Does this sound like a princess who just couldn’t get her way? Couldn’t get her boyfriend to understand the thing that she was or wanted to be? Couldn’t get her boyfriend to see past the errors of his ways? Or was this just a situation of two young adolescents too wrapped up in each other to see beyond the emotional quagmire that united them in the first place?

Yekaterina Pusepa

She told cops she grabbed a kitchen knife during a heated argument with Alec Katsnelson — but that he took it from her hand and plunged it into his own chest.

But sources said she changed her story under questioning. And after Katsnelson, 22, got out of surgery at Bellevue Hospital yesterday he said she stabbed him with one of two knives that cops found.

So much for turbulent love affairs.

And there’s this:

“I hear them arguing a lot, yelling at each other,” a neighbor said. “But I never saw them fighting.”

Their fighting escalated early yesterday.

“I heard a lot of yelling, two people screaming,” said a 26-year-old student who lives in the building. “A lot of the screaming was coming from a woman.”

The argument was so intense, another neighbor was heard yelling, “You guys need to shut up!”

“She was screaming more and louder,” the neighbor said. “It was anger and hostility like someone making threats. You could tell there was a fight.”

Alec Katsnelson and Yekaterina Pusepa

Yes the memories are all flooding back, that one boyfriend, girlfriend who drove you to madness but whom you couldn’t live apart from, such are of course the inconsistencies of love…

Katsnelson’s mother, Lena Katsnelson, told The Post that her son was in the process of getting a restraining order against Pusepa. She described her as a violent girl who’s attacked the Duane Reade worker in the past.

“He’s in love with her,” Lena Katsnelson said. “I tell him this is the wrong relationship but he wouldn’t listen.”

How could he listen, she was a vixen and he was game for the vixen. Until one day he wasn’t and that’s maybe when it all went undone….

This is not Pusepa’s first brush with the law.

In 2009, she was busted in California for driving under the influence on Christmas Day.

Such are the bitter tears of one young lady trying to make sense of the disastrous choices she has made….never mind the young man who managed to live through it.

Yekaterina Pusepa via facebook

Yekaterina Pusepa

Pam Shaw is ready to give 'it' away….

British virgin who is just itching to find out what the fuss is all about.

For most of us, losing ones virginity is a kind of rite of passage that goes a long way towards helping us identify with ourselves and our peers and is usually the beginning of a conflicted see saw back and fro with lovers, long life hook ups, must haves, must never see agains that keeps most of alive and buoyant. Not so British cabaret singer Pam Shaw, whose act ironically is called ‘the sexational Pam’ who has finally decided after 70 years on Earth to give it a try.

Offers Pam via thesunco.uk: Pam explained she does not believe in sex before marriage. And as she has stayed single there was no question of losing her virginity.

But there were nevertheless close calls:

“I was never short of offers in my heyday.

“Men saw the outfits I wore on stage and thought I would be easy.

“But I’ve never really been intimate with a man, just a bit of kissing. I had a sexy stage name and dressed sexy but that was all for my career.”

Pam Shaw is a hawt bixch.

So what got in the way, besides a rigorous code to arms that had our Pam denying possible suitors, who said she would never have sex out of wed lock?

“There has never been time for me to get a man. I worked so much that sometimes I’d only have an hour’s sleep each night. I wouldn’t entertain the idea of sex outside marriage — and marriage meant giving up on my dreams.”

“The only man I thought I could go to bed with was a guy who came to watch me every night when I sang in Malta. But I wasn’t prepared to settle down — so it wasn’t to be.”

But there was one close call…

“In 1976 I was proposed to by an oil rig worker in Blackpool. I said yes but later broke it off when I realised I didn’t fancy him.”

Pam Shaw back in the 60's.

But figures Pam, now is as good as never. And what type of chap should apply to Pam now that Pam has given her blessing to have a shag?

“My standards are still very high, though. I’m hoping to bag a tall, dark and handsome millionaire.”

Hmm. Any millionaires out there in the mood to walk away from all those twenty something vixens stalking them to give our Pam a whirl she may or may not ever forget? Then again, if no millionaires don’t show up can I suggest a humble idea that has worked for countless billions who have been shit nervous of losing their virginity? – Walk into any bar, let any man or woman buy you back to back shots and when that moment called drunken lust rears its sordid head, dart out to the front and make the most of it. Somehow you too Pam will manage….

Is it? Could it be? Really? Japan's version of Johnny Depp, Ken Shimizu.

Who knew Johnny Depp had a living double in Tokyo of all places? High five all round!

Kids, I’ve had to re screw my eyeballs back to my eye sockets after laying my eyes on the above picture. Never in a million years could I have imagined that somewhere in the world there was a soul brave enough or blessed enough to come close to resembling that hawt bixch we call Johnny (no plastic surgeon I have sought could guarantee me cheekbones as blessed as Johnny’s) will make you cream in your pants Depp. But god did have a surprise waiting for the bixch when he turned up in Tokyo, Japan and the world was forever changed. At least Johnny’s.

This is what happens when celebrity impersonators take the time to bless real celebrities these days. Johnny must be crying in ecstasy (but was he momentarily confused I wonder?), whilst Ken Shimizu (his impersonator- he does this for a living actually) is just calling it another day at work.

Don’t you wish you were this fabulous and gorgeous too? Unless of course you already are…

Can you tell the difference?