Video: Extreme Cheapskates has premiered and that shit is damn scary…
Welcome to Extreme Cheapskates. Toilet paper? No I just use my hand…
She simply goes by the name of Michelle, but TLC‘s newest entrant in the extreme hoarder cheapskates has some wondering about the budding dinner host’s state of mind.
Seen debuting in a new episode of TLC’s Hoarding: Buried Alive, the 56 year old Michelle is at first seen clamoring waist high in what appears to be a waste depot. Except the waste depot happens to be this extreme hoarder’s Tacoma, Washington three bedroom bungalow, where over the course of three decades Michelle has gone on to collect all matter of possessions.
Yet despite the incredulity of the scene, the extreme hoarder goes on to tell how she revels in having people come over (if one can necessarily suspend such credibility) for dinner parties.
Tells the extreme hoarder: ‘I love to bake and cook and have friends and family come over for dinner.’
From there Michelle goes on to tell viewers of the must try delicacies which includes whipping up quiche and steamed crabs. Of course when Michelle tells whipped up that may be a figurative expression as the camera takes a deadpan stare at the decrepit cooking utensils that Michelle keeps maniacally stacked askew in the kitchen.
While contending with appropriate cooking utensils maybe a challenge, Michelle then goes on to explain how cooking has become increasingly difficult since the water company shut off the water supply a month ago on account of ‘safety reasons’. What safety reasons Michelle naturally fails to elaborate, probably for the better.
Unscathed (never bixches!) the former law student nonchalantly climbs over the trash littering her kitchen as if she were picking through daisies in the local Botanical garden, taking care to pick out some of her favorite cooking utensils.
Smiling fiendishly for the camera, Michelle rolls over the next must do steps before tonight’s must yummy dinner:
‘Steam pan for crab.’
Reaching to grab a shallower dish (the murk of which hardly fazes our dinner diva) she goes on to tell: ‘I use this to make quiche.’
From there, Michelle casually goes on to tell while she ‘loves’ her kitchen in its current state, her eventual goal is to have something a little more ‘gourmet’. Of course what gourmet necessarily means to the extreme hoarder is never actually expounded upon because that shit too is a surprise.
Taking in the vista that is her kitchen, Michelle goes on to tell without nary betraying any irony (MIchelle knows more and better than you kids…):
‘I’m saving up money to remodel it.’
From there Michelle tells how she likes to collect things and how:
‘When I find a good bargain, even if I don’t need it, I buy it.’
But Michelle doesn’t just snap up one or two cut-price products, that would be too easy and disingenuous. Instead Michelle tells she prefers buying in bulk. Large bulk and cluttered:
‘[I like] multiples like ten or twenty. I get excited [like] I thought I got a good deal.’
Because a good deal is the sum of one’s madness that one can be made to look and feel like a softly swept porch in the din of an approaching summer afternoon tornado…
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