Gregory Matthew Bruni invades house, attacks vacuum cleaner and then masturbates and defecates in house.

Gregory Matthew Bruni invades house, attacks vacuum cleaner and then masturbates and defecates in house.

Gregory Matthew Bruni

It’s just another strange day in Florida.

In the latest installment of life just keeps getting weirder and funkier in Florida (or is it in America in general?) one Florida homeowner received the shock of a lifetime when a naked intruder entered his home and did the following….

gawker: It’s Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day’s work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a “large television” minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don’t — you just empty its contents back onto the floor.

But here is a more apt description courtesy of the UK’s dailymail of the mayhem at hand:

Bruni then allegedly grabbed a wet/dry vacuum cleaner and emptied its liquid contents on the floor. Officers say he later sucked it up in his mouth.

Impressive I must say. Vacuum cleaners if you must know are prone to inspiring contentious behavior. That is the only explanation I can see here, unless of course there’s something else going on here?

At this moment the husband told his wife to grab a gun from a back room. When she returned she fired three shots from a .38 caliber revolver at Bruni but missed, hitting a wall instead.

Possibly reacting to the shots, Bruni fell to the ground of their living room but began pleasuring himself instead of cowering.

‘He’s lying on my floor. He ran in my f***ing house naked hooting and hollering and tearing s*** up!’ the homeowner yelled on the line to police.

Kids tell me you aren’t impressed and wishing on some level you were there videotaping this all for future prosperity to watch over and over with your loved ones on rainy Saturday afternoons?

But of course it only gets better….

Bruni next ran into the victim’s son’s bedroom according to the victim where he started rubbing his face into articles of clothing he found.

The homeowner then grabbed a shotgun from the master bedroom and used it to hold Bruni until police arrived.

‘Lay down, mother f***er, lay down!’ the homeowner is heard shouting over the phone.

Upon officers’ arrival they described Bruni as speaking but without making any sense.

He allegedly tried to escape police several times prompting officers to use a Taser on him to get him under control.

Our hero has since been remitted to Lee Memorial Hospital where doctors are trying to find out what good shit he was on?

And then there is this passing final screen shot you ought to want to memorize as well:

Officers later discovered that Bruni had defecated near the home’s front door and in the home’s hallway as well, according to WTSP.

NBC-2.com WBBH News for Fort Myers, Cape Coral

  • Sirius black

    Sounds about right for Florida.