As the Northern Hemisphere settles into a languorous summer, our collective hero and resident media whore, Lindsay Lohan is also settling into her luxurious summer fashion fare. Except, well except there seems to be a problem. Can anyone guess what the problem is? Shall we all help Lindsay out? Surely she would appreciate the media explaining to her some dressing do’s and no no’s.
First of there’s those garrulous sunglasses that serve to block our heroine’s entire face. Really Lilo? Don’t you think you should let some sunshine in your life? Then again maybe our hero had herself another late night and isn’t just quite ready to take all that attention.
Then there’s our Lilo chain smoking those Marlboro lights to infinity. Oh Lilo, really, don’t you know smoking so much is bad for you? Surely you could put that shit too rest. I must say it really is quite ghastly and if it’s cool and elan you wish to affect, maybe swapping a fag for a lolly pop might be the go.
Well, what else do I spy with my little eye? Yes that’s right the backless halter top. Really Lilo! That shit is a major faux pas. You might as well cut up a brown paper bag and slip that over your head if you’re really trying to achieve the same look. Yes I know you’re into kitsch and irony, but perhaps trailer park trash might be the more appropo look that you’re going for here.
And is that a tattoo? What is that tattoo even say? I’m a preferred hawt bixch? But to be bold what’s most unsettling in the above image is that of Lilo’s sagging double D breasts. Lilo darling, why don’t you try a bra or two? It might help the cause, even if some argue it’s simply a lost cause….but to Lilo’s credit at least that shit is real. Even if it a bit too bouncy or saggy. But then again she is 26 so maybe that’s what happens as one gracefully ages…
The blue denim dixie shorts as far as I am concerned are a hawt smash. That bixch is working it so hard, even I am prone to pay an extra second of attention to those wobbly legs. Did I say wobbly? Lilo maybe a bit of toning in the gym might be a good idea, but then again I shouldn’t argue as I type in my see through kimono and my hairy nipples come frothing out.