It’s always the super hot babe’s fault…
I’ll be the first to admit that what goes on inside the Supreme Court is way over my head but then again I’m resigned to the fact that my journalistic prowess extends itself to what color Lindsay Lohan’s missing underwear is and what side of the head Justin Bieber first looks at when the bixch wakes up in the mornings. Which then takes me to the people over at CNN who I have been told are fairly competent, extremely well educated, connected and so fantastically well versed in the things that go a million trillion miles over my head. But not anymore, now I am of the firm opinion that the journalists over at CNN are just as confused and ignorant about what goes in the world as I am. Especially the hot babe journalists…
Case in point:
buzzfeed: News staffers at the cable network CNN, long the gold standard in television news, were on the verge of open revolt Thursday after CNN blew the coverage on the most consequential news event of the year.
As Chief Justice John Roberts began reading his decision on the future of President Obama’s health care overhaul, the CNN team inside the courtroom jumped the gun, believing that Roberts was saying the individual mandate was unconstitutional and would be overturned.
A producer inside the courtroom, Bill Mears, communicated the information to a relatively junior reporter, Kate Bolduan, the face of the network’s coverage outside on the courthouse steps.
Bolduan then reported, on air, that the individual mandate was “not valid,” citing producer Mears.
“It appears as if the Supreme Court justices struck down the individual mandate, the centerpiece,” of the law, she said.
Gees kids, with that many tag teams and brains in place you’d think they could tell you what the Justices had for breakfast this morning as they finalized their decisions about healthcare.
But something went terribly wrong in corporate media land. Is that possible kids? Not when you’re that good looking and talented?
Moments after Bolduan spoke, the false story began to metastasize inside the network’s online operation.
The erroneous breaking news was made into a chyron at the bottom of the screen. CNN also sent out a breaking news alert.
Oops, that sounds like what I call a
fuck up faux pas. What transpired next was a savage behind the scenes self examination of how America’s bravest and smartest could fuck something like this up. Let a trash tabloid writer repeat it for you bixches: the justices did not strike down Obama’s healthcare plan they upheld it.
After the self recrimination sank in it was time to look for the culprit and give them a savage public beating, like the one NBC’s Ann Curry got, also a relatively hot bixch.
Bolduan, a 2005 graduate of George Washington University who previously worked for a local news station in North Carolina, was named the network’s congressional correspondent last year.
The 29-year-old was also named one of Washington’s 50 Most Beautiful people in 2011 by The Hill.
In other words this bixch was too beautiful to be reporting the news and even slightly too connected (probably explains how she got her job right besides her looks problem,right?). Thankfully this aberration was brought to our attention and we were all made to understand that it wasn’t really CNN’s fault but some too good looking broad.
As for Bolduan’s producer, Bill Mears, the one that fed the hottie the information he has been exonerated for his ways. You know why? Cause he’s not hot or a woman.
Repeat after me, in America well groomed, well connected, and well educated fraternity type males make the world’s best journalists, the women journalists are only there for us to gawk at.