It used to be said when I was growing up that the mark of one’s adulthood rested not on one’s ability to graduate and go out get a decent job, not on one’s ability to get stark trashed on the weekend and live to talk about it nor was it about going off and doing something extraordinary like sailing around the world or spending the next year backpacking through Asia or even better end up being a fashion model in foreign exotic lands. To be precise what defined one amongst their peers ultimately was their sexuality or rather the expression and manifestation of said sexuality. It was all after all implicitly understood one wasn’t whole until they had a good shag. Well at least that’s the way it was presented to this young man at the time when at the age of 18 he absolved himself of this horrible burden called ‘when will I finally break my virginity and finally find self respect and deliverance?’
That though is not the view held for many of the women featured in the dailymail‘s thoughtful take on women who have chosen to abstain from having sex well into their 30’s and some beyond. The reasons are various, I have offered highlights of some of the featured women’s thought processes but ultimately it is reassuring to know that one’s sense of self shouldn’t have to rest on one’s sexuality but that said I have always been somewhat concerned when an individual declines to manifest their existence sexually as much as I am suspect of anyone who I come across who has an uber rolodex of sexual partners as well. Too much or too little physicality has something to say more about one’s ability to be with or without the world as opposed to their ability just to be physical. Or maybe not? See what you think…
They’re stylish, eligible women who you’d assume would have their pick of lovers. But the women you’re about to meet share a surprising secret: they are all virgins. They are among a growing number of women who have decided that sex, for all the emphasis placed on it in today’s society, holds no place in their lives.
And from there the dailymail introduces a variety of women who one assumes are of healthy state of mind, content with their profession and what they are capable of, except they remain adamant that for the time they are content to stay virgins. A misnomer you may think in our highly sexually charged world but there might be more that meets the eye. Here are a sampling of thoughts offered by the women featured. To read more just go to the link:
After I graduated, I went to drama school. Actresses have a reputation for being flirty, but for me it was all about attending endless castings to get work. Securing theatrical roles left me with little time to date. In any case, the longer I went without sex, the more determined I became to hold out for someone special. Why would you want to throw away your virginity on someone you barely know?
I wear short skirts and low-cut tops, and I like to look attractive. My ideal man is dark and brooding, like Johnny Depp, with a great sense of humour.
The reaction I get when I tell men I’m a virgin — which I tend to do if we get past the first or second date — ranges from fascination to confusion.
Now I’m in my 30s, I worry I’ll never find the right man. Most are married with children by now, and dates find my virginity more off-putting than alluring.
Some of my friends say I should just have sex — even my mum thinks I should. She doesn’t think there’s any harm in sex as long as I’m loved and respected by a man.
In my 20s I lost my puppy fat and developed more confidence, but my parents’ belief that sex shouldn’t simply be a trivial pastime lingered, and it has undoubtedly shaped my attitude.
So, too, has my sister’s celibacy. I looked at her life and saw it was perfectly possible to be happy and fulfilled without having a sexual relationship.
Most of my friends think sex is over-rated anyway. When I make my toffee brioche pudding, they say it’s better than sex, which makes me wonder what all the fuss is about.
Some people have sex to get attention from a man. They think they can have one-night stands without emotion getting in the way, but actually they’re just ruining their self-esteem.
A lot of people I know have caught sexually transmitted infections, or had abortions, and I’ve seen the heartache that can cause. Sex seems to have become more of a recreational sport than an act of love, and I think that’s a shame because it should be something intimate and special.
People ask if I feel under any pressure to find a man, like Miriam does. But the truth is, I don’t. I volunteer for a homeless charity, which gives me a greater sense of satisfaction than any half-baked sexual encounter.
I’m in no hurry to commit. I want to enjoy my freedom for as long as I can.
Christianity gave me a sense of belonging, and my attitude towards men changed. Whereas before I’d been desperate for a boyfriend, suddenly I was determined to wait until I was married before I had sex.
My colleagues have been supportive and they respect the fact that I know my own mind, but there’s still a stigma attached to being celibate at 27.
Films like The 40-Year-Old Virgin don’t help. They instil the idea that anyone who is a virgin is a loser, when I am absolutely certain it’s a positive thing. Several of my friends have met men who have subsequently lost interest after they’ve slept together.
I come from a strict family background. My older sister and I were very loved, but we were disciplined and got the slipper if we stayed out too late or didn’t finish our homework. New clothes and toys were kept for Sundays.
I was never curious about sex, so abstaining wasn’t a struggle, and as each year passed I become less bothered about having a physical relationship.
I started to feel insecure about the way I looked, and hid myself in baggy jumpers. I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone seeing me naked.
and this of course is the one that made me laugh/wince to abandon:
I’ve had five relationships in total, lasting from three weeks to 15 months. But I’ve never felt comfortable doing anything more than kissing and holding hands.
I’m attracted to men, but being celibate is so ingrained in my consciousness now that I’ll always say no to sex. I tell them I’m a virgin as soon as they make a physical move.