Kids, it’s time to bring out the sticky cocoa bags, the chipped champagne flute glasses and salute towards heaven as Judge Stephanie sings in high octane her most agreeable pleasure with the sunshine from eternity called Lindsay “I too can put away the high jinks and someday redeem myself” Lohan.
Reiterated the goddess Stephanie in today’s probation hearing in Los Angeles:
‘You are doing well and I’d like to see it continue,’ the Los Angeles Superior Court judge told her.
‘The morgue seems to be pleased – as pleased as a morgue can be,’ she added.
Kids, let’s be honest, what morgue wouldn’t be pleased with the halo of death Lilo herself? She scrubs the dead carefully, mops their insides down the drain and sucks on their intestines for left over moonshine. What would normally a repugnant punishment was like jaywalking for our hero.
From there judge played footsies with Lohan and her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley and the beer bottles rattling inside Lilo’s $5000 Chanel handbag. Something about, keep up the good sweeping, the low profile (an oxymoron of course) and if you sweep fast enough you just might make it out by March, which only made Lilo and her legal muscle brim from ear to ear the way a drunk smiles when you announce you found a drop of moonshine trickling sideways along the toilet rim.
One day when Lilo is finally free of scrubbing the intestines of the dead a violent ray of light heralding from the cosmos will suddenly shroud her and that is when baby Jesus and all the 12 reindeers will nestle with glee as Lilo opens her mouth as Gabriel the Angel pours mountains of champagne down her weeping face…
Lindsay Lohan’s only unairbrushed Playboy shot released.
Breaking news: Lindsay Lohan finds her missing purse minus $10 000.
Lindsay Lohan Playboy entire photo spread leaked on line. Bye bye one million dollars.
My hero released from jail after only 4 and half hours. Pass me champagne!
My hero Lindsay Lohan crashes J. Edgar movie premiere party and freaks A listers out.»
MY HERO LINDSAY LOHAN IS ORDERED TO GO BACK TO JAIL.
LINDSAY LOHAN: LOOK AT ME, NO MORE METH TEETH (FOR NOW).
MY HERO LINDSAY LOHAN AGREES TO SPREAD FOR PLAYBOY FOR A COOL $1 MILLION BUCKS.
MICHAEL LOHAN: ‘I THINK MY LITTLE GIRL IS A CRACKHEAD.’
Oh no! Lindsay Lohan scores herself a 5th mugshot picture.
My favorite hero’s probation is revoked. Lindsay Lohan bail set at $100 000.
IT’S TIME TO FIND OUT WHICH A GRADE CELEBRITY WHORE THESE TEETH BELONG TO.
LINDSAY LOHAN, MY FAVORITE HAWT MESS IS BEING SUED AGAIN…
LINDSAY LOHAN CAUSES A SCENE AS SHE TELLS OFF HER MILLIONAIRE BOYFRIEND’S MODEL WIFE.
Did Lindsay Lohan slice up a fellow reveler at V magazine’s party at the Boom Boom room last night?
Gawd no! Don’t let this be Moma Lohan making out with the wicked wench of Crack-ville!!
Marc Jacobs has Lindsay Lohan kicked out of his after party.»
LINDSAY LOHAN HAS PAPARAZZO THROWN OUT OF FASHION TENTS.
LINDSAY LOHAN TO JUDGE; ” I CAN’T AFFORD COUNSELING BUT I SURE CAN AFFORD $1200 LOUBOUTINS.”
LINDSAY LOHAN WANTS TO SHOW YOU HER POOLSIDE POT BELLY.
LINDSAY LOHAN- A PERFECT BELLIGERENT MESS(AGAIN).
LINDSAY LOHAN GOES FOR THE SHEER LOOK.
GUESS WHICH DRUNK BITCH THIS IS?
PAYOLA: STARRING LINDSAY LOHAN AND CO.
LINDSAY LOHAN JUST WANTS TO PARTY ALL THE TIME.
IS THIS ONE READY TO COME OUT OF THE OVEN YET?
Say goodbye to Lindsay Lohan. Oh the tears…
IS LINDSAY LOHAN GETTING READY TO RETURN TO JAIL?
