Kids I have to confess the chipmunks Fyodor and Mazeltov are doing cartwheels in the living room. Why you wonder? Is Lilo dropping by to visit us for a session? No (maybe next week), the big news in lala land this morning is that hawt bixch Kris Humphries finally figured out the inevitable. That’s right bixch used bixch for a bit of money, and now them bixches are running to the press. Take out your crack pipe, Lilo just let me know she took out hers last night…
tmz: Sources very close to Kris Humphries tell TMZ … Kris is gunning for an annulment based on fraud because he feels “he was just slotted in the plot line of Kim Kardashian’s latest headline and newest business venture.”
We’re told Kris believes Kim never intended to stay married to him, but needed a groom to fuel ratings for her show. One source says, “Once they were finished taping, she just didn’t need a groom anymore.”
Kids, don’t tell me my heroine Kim could stoop to something this low? It just doesn’t sound anything like her. I mean for $17 million would Kim sell Kris out? No! What about $177 million? Still a firm no! Not even $17 billion, cause our Kim values things like morality, love compassion and the grinding sound of a paper clip machine pressing hard against another duplex image of her. Kim got taught right bixches.
Of course like any high wire car chase (which reminds me to butter the popcorn) nothing smells more yummy than a trick sub-plot. What trick sub-plot you wonder?
And, we’re told, Kris is outraged by people who think he was in on the wedding scam — according to one friend, “He would have never flown in his childhood pastor to marry them and involve his church.”
No that doesn’t sound like Kris either. He’s just a do gooder from the North Pole who had no idea he was being manhandled. In fact Santa Claus is on the first sled out to give Kris a big long hug.
That said Kim and Kris Jenner (cause nothing reeks of duplicity more than the wicked mother of Malibu Hills ) have been
spreading leaking stories that Kris wouldn’t stick it to Kim after their honeymoon leading to suspicions that in reality good old Kris was a pillow biter in denial. Could it be?
If only we could annul the pair of these two to no where ever land the world would be a happier and safer place, albeit a little less interesting…Never mind I’ll take any Star magazine cover any day of the week I can. Nothing like a big piece of rock in your pipe to keep you kicking, right kids?