Home Scandal and Gossip Man caught masturbating said he was just balancing his checkbook

Man caught masturbating said he was just balancing his checkbook

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A man parked outside West Allis, WI, Kohl’s department store told police he was only balancing his checkbook after a surveillance officer spotted him failing to be the master of his domain, reports West Allis Now. He’s of course being charged with lewd and lascivious behavior.

‘Nuff said?  Don’t think so.  Rather than come up with our own puns, we’ve decided to actually do some research and open the vault to these priceless but true masturbation excuses reported recently:

–A Hudson city manager this January told officers he dropped his sandwich in his lap; the woman driving by only saw a Subway footlong.

–Last December, a 50-year-old man masturbating next to a teenager on a plane said he spilled Tabasco sauce on himself.

–And in November, a Japanese restaurant chef claimed he had a rare skin disorder that caused him to remove his pants and scratch the itch.

Compared to these, this checkbook alibi pales in comparison.   Really, how does that even explain what he’d doing down there?  I mean, come on.  The Subway defense takes the cake, in my opinion.

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