Payola: Starring Lindsay Lohan and Co.

Which begs the immediate question Ms Lohan- how much did Bowlmor lanes pay you for the honor of turning up? A couple of hundred bucks, a couple of hundred bucks and your own private eightball, a $1000, $5000, $10 000 or maybe cause they were in a desperate good mood for the hype $20 000? That ought to pay them pesky lawyers and your $8000 a month rent. But the again after she pays off Michael Heller, her endorsement manager, Albert Ferrara, Michael Simon, Stephanie Simon how much do you think she’d have left- $64? Enough for a six pack of Red Bull- her new fav soda.

But then again, maybe they paid you nothing- because you just happened to be in a good mood and decided to drop by on the house. Mercy us- that deserves a fizzy drink. No- none for you ‘Real Lilo’ you’re still on probation remember? Oh – yes, the Red Bull is in the fridge dear…

And whilst we’re asking questions, cause journalists still ask questions just in case you’ve forgotten (but to be honest I’m on my fourth glass of Grand Brut this morning, so I don’t know if that qualifies me to be anything but a wench) how much did Albert Ferrara get paid by the media agencies for those coincidental private photos? Or was this all on the house too? What about Lindsay’s pr team, her handlers, her manager, how much did they get paid on this one? Or was White Oprah just afforded a game of bowling on the house too?

In case you’re curious, because you ought to be- I placed a call to Bowlmor Lanes head publicist Kyle Hulcher wondering if I’d be able to acquire a few snapshots of ‘Real Lilo’ slumming that bowling ball. To my dismay, he explained that he wasn’t in the position to issue photos and that I would have to call Startraks directly. How odd- you would think a publicist would rush to give you pictures, especially if you happen to be press. Just about every other publicist I have ever dealt with barely blinks an eyelid when I often make these requests, except that is for Kyle Hulcher.

Then like a good snooping journalist, I then called Startraks myself directly and was told yes the photos were indeed available but I would first have to fill out a sheet explaining who I was before they would quote me a price. Explain who I am? I’m your worst nightmare on a long distance haul in economy class Mr Ferrara. But never mind, you keep drinking those caipirinhas in Brazil, where you’re currently getting your much needed R &R.

In the event you wenches think I’m just picking on poor Lindsay and her sparring partners (because I have a reputation of tearing apart exposing defenseless socialites,bonvivants and the occasional publisher) let’s have a look at these photos below.

Notice Blake Lively all decked in her American Eagle outfit? Notice anything wrong? Keep looking, that’s right it looks like a legitimate paparazzi off the cuff, on the hop, caught you just walking out the store buying all of American Eagle’s goodies snap. Except it isn’t. It’s as orchestrated as you sitting down to plan a dinner party for a bunch of your best friends, editors, photographers and unwitting public at large. Now look at the photo to the right of Blake of Ali Lauter. What’s going on here you wonder? Well this kids is a legitimate paparazzi shot. How do we know? Cause there’s no brand being peddled. When it says off to a ‘LA hairdresser’ we are not told which hairdresser. Why? Because there was no money exchanged and thus no need to pump up some ‘fantastic venue’ by the media.