Sarah Palin wants to tell you about her Kate Gosselin camping disaster.

Oil and water never mix…

Out of our collective nightmares comes the gruesome story of two misbegotten media whores souls, hungry for fat paychecks, the reflection of film resin on their foreheads and the giggly hand holding that comes when two best friends go on a fun camping trip together. Everything is true except for the giggling part, to be sure one should swap groans, back slaps and primal whimpering in the dead of the evening if they are to have a more nuanced appreciation of the Sarah and Kate Alaskan Camping disaster.

Dlisted: Kate Gosselin and Sarah Palin forced bears to contemplate a year-long hibernation by camping together in Alaska for an episode of Mama Grizzly’s show which airs this Sunday. If you haven’t already hissed and thrown holy water at the preview, Mama Cunty whines about how this is the HARDEST THING SHE’S DONE IN HER LIFE while Mama Grizzly throws her a “Pfft. And they call me an annoying bitch” eye roll.

Is this whetting your appetite? Are you stocking up on buckets of vanilla choc chic ice cream and fat free popcorn to spend the soon to be Sunday night closely bated to your TV screen whilst our collective heroes nuzzle closely to each, look closely into each other’s reconstructed eye sockets as they stare down the wild predators beckoning to roll in a sleeping bag with them?

But like most best friends there were idle clumsy moments…

Kate’s tongue continued to launch complaint after complaint about everything from how the food sucks to how the cold air was biting at her already frozen heart. The source went on to explain, “They didn’t speak off camera. She said the food and accommodations were terrible, and it was the worst trip she’d ever been on. [Kate] had a meltdown and left the campground before sundown. She just couldn’t cope.”

But of course Mama Sarah understood it to be a deep primal cry for affection, nothing that a midnight run for moose head could cure whilst Kate would stay home and look for the nearest fake tanning parlor in the woods, and of course the nearest healthy serving of McCritter’s.

UsWeekly says that the tension on camera was even worse off camera.

Alas even the best of friends need time to get away, from an almost too perfect ‘get away.’