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National Weather Service Issues Air Quality Warning for New York as the Area Fills with Tourists, New Year’s Traffic

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Apparently the dangerous (if not deadly) combination of tourists, their exhaust fumes, Snooki, and the Snowpacolypse have intermingled, stewed, and synthesized into a particularly perilous level of pollutants in the New York air this New Year’s, as the National Weather Service has issued the following ‘Air Quality Alert,’ effective as of 3pm Thursday, lasting until 12AM on Saturday:

‘AIR QUALITY LEVELS IN OUTDOOR AIR ARE PREDICTED TO BE GREATER THAN AN AIR QUALITY INDEX VALUE OF 100 FOR FINE PARTICLES. THE AIR QUALITY INDEX… OR AQI… WAS CREATED AS AN EASY WAY TO CORRELATE LEVELS OF DIFFERENT POLLUTANTS TO ONE SCALE. THE HIGHER THE AQI VALUE, THE GREATER THE HEALTH CONCERN [Their caps lock].’

And this combination (like any involving mass amounts of Jersey dwellers) is no doubt quite concerning. The report continued, saying:

‘WHEN POLLUTION LEVELS ARE ELEVATED… THE NEW YORK STATE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH RECOMMENDS THAT INDIVIDUALS CONSIDER LIMITING STRENUOUS OUTDOOR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY TO REDUCE THE RISK OF ADVERSE HEALTH EFFECTS. PEOPLE WHO MAY BE ESPECIALLY SENSITIVE TO THE EFFECTS OF ELEVATED LEVELS OF POLLUTANTS INCLUDE THE VERY YOUNG, AND THOSE WITH PRE-EXISTING RESPIRATORY PROBLEMS SUCH AS ASTHMA OR HEART DISEASE. THOSE WITH SYMPTOMS SHOULD CONSIDER CONSULTING THEIR PERSONAL PHYSICIAN.’

We can only imagine what this would’ve meant for throngs slushing through Times Square while tweaking out on cocaine, had Snooki dropped in her sparkling hamster ball and induced mass hyperventilating.

Who says city officials totally failed at preventative planning? Obviously they’ve averted a disaster in the making.

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