Goodmenproject: Do you hate the sound of strangers slurping down grub, gasping for air as they cram half-pound slabs of hamburger into their maws? Does Muzak piping from tinny speakers at fast-food joints send shivers of contempt down your spine? Worry no longer—the era of privatized dining is here.
The geniuses at British restaurant chain Pizza Express plan on hanging soundproof domes above their booths, effectively shutting out the cruel, chatty world. To spice things up, they will also install iPod docks so you can listen to “Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood” at top volume without making children cry.
Soundproof domes? Are you ready to start eating your tuna tartare in a soundproof dome? And if so, who will you have to eavesdrop from then?
Pizza Express hired Sergio Luzzi, Professor and Lecturer in Noise Modeling and Acoustic Design at the University of Florence, to blueprint the bubbles of isolation, guaranteeing that you’ll never again have to hear the sounds of humanity while gobbling steaming mozzarella.
Nor will you have much of a conversation with no one except yourself. Perhaps I can continue tolerating the little madness around me at the dinner table after all…