With a perfectly timed (and arguably out of character) Twitter response to “ex-veteran” and gorilla boy toy Jeff Miranda’s recent frontal assault of a marriage proposal – soon to be dropped on across every major American newsstand with more cultural force than a New Jersey atom bomb full of protein flavored napalm – Snooki has entrenched herself in a defensive position in preparation for (we can be sure) further heavy bombardment.
Huffington Post: Tuesday Snooki responded via Twitter.
“Just want to set the record straight. I’m single and I’m not going to get married!” she wrote.
But will her resistance to this media blitzkrieg prove ultimately useless? After all, how can we really stop a juiced out guido with media whoring habit and a shotgun aimed directly at our dearest Snooki, the current matron of American popular culture?
That Shotgun Jeff (our new favorite social climbing septembrist), and his sweet Snookums have only been dating for two weeks seems par for the course when we consider the long history of September based, and lightning paced, revolutionary/military operations.
We should remember that September campaigns, of all types, are always intent on utilizing the short timeline within which the residual heat from summer recedes into ice so that any and every counter-offensive must first combat the bitter elements of the winter freeze: nature’s greatest natural weapon. And if Snooki’s taste for double chocolate dip is any indicator, it appears we’re in for cold one, kids.