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The Situation is writing a book on how you too can become the perfect guido.

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How much hair gel should you be pumping over your hair?

How do we know summer is here? Because we’ve stooped to report on the latest gimmick attention tricks courtesy of America’s favorite gimmick creating past time- the bourgeois set of the Jersey Shore. In fact so bourgeois are the members becoming, with them going on strike to earn more money so they can insult your intelligence with proper style, at least one of them- the Situation (is this really a name human beings use to call themselves these days?) has sat down to write a book about you too can resemble him and nearly come to live the perfect guido dream. Have you got your hair gel ready? Our favorite tabloid sleaze (after Gawker of course) – the NY Gutter explains…

The NY Post: Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is writing a self-help book. The “Jersey Shore” star landed a deal to pen “Here’s the Situation,” a guide to ripped abs, grooming, and how to keep up with your GTL (gym, tan, laundry). Sources said it will be published by Gotham Books this November in a deal brokered by Jarred Weisfeld of Objective Entertainment and Sorrentino’s manager, Michael Petolino. The Sitch is already cashing in with a workout video and health supplements.

Talk about payola this kid has really found it. A year ago the oily mess was probably trying to work out how he was going to apply for an entry level position flipping cheeseburgers for Mcdonald’s, this year this bitch is writing a book on how to eat fillet mignon and how to do 13 push ups in a row.

That said let’s take a closer look at some of the likely chapters one can expect to see in the Situation’s upcoming book:

1/ Chapter 1- How to hustle a girl to buy you lunch and dinner every time. The seasoned moocher.

2/ Chapter 2: How to choose the right hair gel? Volume vs texture.

3/ Chapter 3: How to have abs like mine. A step by step guide on how to do 60 000 push ups and sit ups in between breakfast and lunchtime.

4/ Chapter 4: How to lie to your girlfriend without once having her suspect you are lying through your teeth.

5/ Chapter 5: Why I ran away when I was 6 years old and how you too can wrestle with your demons.

6/ Chapter 6: How to choose the right sun tan lotion? Oil based or cream. The existential dilemma continues.

7/ Chapter 7: How to upgrade from only dating guido chicks. Hone and tested lies for gullible hipster chicks.

8/ Chapter 8: How to spot a revved up V8 Cammaro that will make all your friends jealous. It all starts under the hood.

9/ Chapter 9: Why Snooki and I are waiting before we make our joint sex tape? It takes another guido to make more money.

10/ Chapter 10: How to laugh and smile your way to fame? Conning the American public explained step by step.


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