The sad life of John Edwards.

Remember John Edwards? The former Democratic Vice-Presidential Candidate and Two-Americas Presidential Candidate (this guy runs for office more than ambulances) who was famously called a “faggot” by sometimes human Anne Coulter for I guess having really nice hair. Well, Jon proved his heterosexuality by cheating on his cancer-stricken wife with deluded, crazed home-wrecker Rielle Hunter and then using one million dollars from his campaign coffers to pay this trollop off. Well, it seems now that not even the uncool, mediocre America in which the majority of us miserable plebeians reside wants anything to do with Edwards.

According to Diane Diamond, the investigative political journalist and horny politician enemy number one, wrote the following sad state of affairs that is Jon Edwards’ existence…

“For the past two weeks, I’ve tried to piece together Edwards’ life in this self-imposed exile. According to multiple sources familiar with different parts of his life, it’s a lonely existence. With few real friends to turn to for counsel, he’s also jettisoned most of his trusted advisers, including pollster Harrison Hickman. Those who’ve known him best say Edwards seems almost lost as to what to do with his life now that politics is no longer an option…

…Until recently, according to sources who include two members of law enforcement at a nearby police station, he sometimes frequented local watering holes, such as The Wooden Nickel and the Saratoga Grill. On these forays, according to these sources, he liked to chat up pretty single women, a glass of white wine in hand….But even those diversions have stopped over the past six weeks, according to everyone I spoke with.”

Perhaps Edwards should take a mini-trip road to South Carolina and do a little (ahem) hiking. It seems like there’s just a flurry of pent up sexual anxiety down there. He would stand a much better chance of scoring in South Carolina, assuming there are still (ahem ) hiking partners left. if not, there’s always the opportunity to become a Fox News Contributor; they seem to have a lot of washed up unfaithful philanderers who leave their dying wives.