Then there was of course Malcolm, a recently released convicted felon (he had served 6 years for an armed robbery of a local Starbucks) who had become intimate friends with one of my room mates. Trying to be open and non judgmental I initially accepted Malcolm and even came to enjoy his perverse recounting of life inside. Of course my opinion of him swiftly changed when I came home one night to find him totally naked in my bed room fist fucking some random girl he had met the night before. Once again I was kindly offered to participate but I of course politely (well not so politely…) declined as I looked for a sharp object to point at Malcolm.
Then there is my friend Scott who one night called me that he couldn’t take it anymore and if it would be okay if he could sleep on my sofa. Asking him what the problem was he recounted that his room mate and girlfriend were now having loud vicious sex, that after the police being called upon him and her after they had done a dandy job of mutilating each other’s faces. At the time I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically but when Scott finally arrived with blood and holes in his shirt that he had experienced in trying to stop them from beating the crap out of each other that I realized the perverse severity of his situation.
In trying to understand why certain room mates behave the way they do one has to wonder what ultimately compels some people to behave in a way that most of us would find shameful and beyond contemplation. Is it because they don’t know better, their sense of morality differs widely from our own, that they are chemically unsound or just the simple fact they figure because their time with you is a transitory experience they are willing to offend you knowing full well that the consequences are in fact inconsequential and at the end of the day negligible. That of course doesn’t excuse the fact that some semblance of decorum ought to exist, even if not all parties are capable or entirely interested in maintaining or perceiving decorum.
Hey Kimberley, there are places you can go to rent-free, support places. Considering how screwed up your situation sounds, you could class it as abuse. It may take a while to get back on your feet, but it’ll be worth it for your sanity. I did something similar last year when my mentally ill housemate decided to go off his meds all of a sudden. I haven’t looked back.
Hi, I just read your article. I am in a hellish room mate situation right now and I have been for over 2 years. I can’t afford to move, but I am so unhappy with my situation, I am considering moving anyway, even though it would mean my becoming homeless! This is my situation…For the first year I lived in this apartment, I had to go to bed at 7pm every night, so that when my roommate awoke me up at 3 or 4 in the morning, I got enough sleep, because she would keep me awake all night long making unnecessary noise and I know it was on purpose. Also, I had to stop using the refrigerator and get my own fridge and put it in my room, because she was eating my food. Most recently I had to fork out money for a P.O.Box because I can no longer use our mail box, cause she was screwing with my mail. The postal inspector said there was nothing they could do about it because she was authorized to handle the mail and there was no way to prove what happened to the mail once it got into the apartment. I am very upset because now it is starting to look like I can not even use the washer or dryer in our apartment! The other day I pulled some things out of the dryer, I found 2 sweaters and a shirt all ripped in the exact same spot, what a coincidence that these clothing articles were all ripped or torn in back of the collar! There are other little things she’s done, but these are the major things. I know that this is not an advice column, but do you think I should get the heck away from her even if I can’t afford to move, though it would make me homeless? Your input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Kim Bush
horrifying yet amazing. makes me want to buy my room mate flowers.