A Starving Artist’s Guide to Sex, Money and Fame.

A Starving Artists Guide to Sex, Money and Fame.

It takes cunning to make it as an artist and even more cunning to get the sex, money and fame that is your inalienable right if you traverse the platform called the artist. For most artists it’s a losing proposition- for a variety of reasons, the lack of money, charisma, contacts and most importantly because the work itself is probably pathetic and best kept out of reach of public consumption. Then of course then there is the real artist who spends his days being a public contraption of lust, wonder, adulation and revolving attention. Jutting cheekbones and a modicum of suaveness will always serve you well but that still doesn’t negate the fact for the time being you are broke and on the verge.

For anyone who has tried being an artist, writer, performer, conceptualist, illustrator, singer, actor the expansive idea of being an aesthete who can compel, provoke and inflame is wander lust and a lethal combination of moxy, balls, stupidity and heart. For the sane person there is no reason to continue, to digest the ignomity of humiliation of poverty, destitution, the constant panic attacks and most of all the heroic bouts of self annihilation and continual self doubt and resurrection. That said, fame, money and sex is always just a stone throw away… assuming you know how to throw the stone and where…

The first thing you should understand if you are an artist is that you deserve the fame,money and sex- even more so if you are on the verge. It is after all what keeps you going even if you insist the work itself is what motivates you. That is true and will always be true but what is even more true is the fact that an artist is a blood sucking creature who feeds on the souls of those around them and self acceptance ultimately comes at the expense of those siphoned to bear witness to your odyssey.

As I have intimated being an artist is about an attitude and it is this which will serve you well. Your objective should be to never show the masses your pain, your fragility but in fact their very own. For some perverse reason they will thank you for it and gestate around your brooding forehead. Let me say it again-it is about attitude. You shall never expose your weakness, pain, dereliction and contempt of your situation only the contempt of the bourgeiouse who will always suffer more self contempt even if they drive a shiny sports car. They are after all your benefactors, the very ones who will seek you out, make you famous, or at least extrapolate your fame and lick your nipples taut…

  • Grizzly

    Is the writer trying to infer he is an artist? how about just the blood sucker he refers to? Nice try Scallywag, but you’re just a slut paparazzi !

  • stoopind

    To understand an artist, a true artist (not a fake) is as hard as to understand art it self. What is perceived as art? Or what we perceive who the artist is? Most of the time is an obnoxious ordeal and who ever attempts such a journey either lacks his/her common sense or more importantly could never write this article. Do not mistake an artist with your common Joe hungry for any recognition because they failed at everything they ever did and thinks that art can save them, because, sadly in todays world it is very hard to decipher a talent. WHY? Because you have common Joe’s deciding on what art is (and writing crap like this), by buying crap that someone sucked them into buying. Because common Joe doesn’t spend the time being weak or having a healthy heart. A true artist cherishes his vulnerability, and wears his/her heart on their sleeve, without this ability they couldn’t possibly be an artist nor a scientist for that matter. Now if you’re into sucking someone’s blood out, I guess it can be called an art-form one way or another.