New York is full of shameless behavior, but don‘t forget to think about the shameless people who perpetuate the behavior. They exist in overabundance and stalk your presence by any means necessary. The goal? To fleece your sanity and get in front of your face as much as possible. After all, getting you to believe that they are relevant and meaningful is a full time engagement. That said, how do you recognize these imbeciles? Let’s try to identify the telltale signs of public nuisances.
1/ They all believe their lives are worthy of a reality show.
2/ To change a light bulb they hold the light bulb in one place and let the world revolve around them.
3/ They can be found standing in front or behind the velvet rope chain smoking in the hopes of being noticed.
4/ The only attention they get is from Guest of A Guest and Patrick McMullen on the weekends.
4/ They’re all trying to find themselves because they’re always asking us if we know who they are.
5/ They are all attracted to the glow of a camera flash like moths to a street light.
6/ They once dated someone famous, but never can seem to have had any pictures of the actual date.
7/ Their father‘s brother‘s sister‘s cousin‘s housekeeper went to Andy Warhol‘s factory.
8/ They pray 5 times a day facing Bryant Park.
9/ Bathroom attendants know them by name.
10/ They masturbate because it’s sex with someone they love.