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What’s a celebrity to do when the doorman doesn’t recognize your hot ass?

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celebrity-to-do-whenA ten point guide to assure you are never left in the cold again.

We read with intrigue how celebrity actress Mena Suvari was left out in the cold the other day when she went out to party. Of course unlike Tyson Beckford who went ballistic Mena kept her cool before she was eventually let in. That said we have a few tips for boys and girls like you and Mena to always assure instant access – so here we go- your full proof introduction to celebrity people and their best friends –doormen.

10/ Screaming and waving will never get you anywhere. First things you need to use subtle psychology on the doorman after all he is not your brightest cat.

9/ First subtle trick- turn up with at least three people pointing cameras at you and clicking like a jack rabbit. The doorman will salivate and almost wet his hot pants to accommodate you.

8/ Speak with a heavy foreign accent. This helps the intimidation process along.

7/ Please be sure to be beautiful before you even bother to harass the doorman. Doormen are only trained to love and kiss beautiful and famous people. It’s a fact, if you don’t like it – go on a diet or move to Peru where they don’t care about such things except for bribes.

6/ Nonchalantly mention your upcoming ‘uber’ schedule  tomorrow morning within the doorman’s presence. But please don’t be overt about this he will guess immediately that it is just a rouse.

5/ Show some leg girl and we mean leg. We know selling your body is never pleasant but neither is the real world.

4/ If you must name drop – using the name Kristian Laliberte wont help you this fall. Please be very careful as to whom you name drop, it’s all too important.

3/ Tell the doorman that you are a producer and you would like to arrange a screen test for them. Of course the doorman is not that stupid but the idea that you could actually be a producer is too true a fantasy to ever let go off. He will inevitably let you in even against his better judgment in the off chance you are who you say you are.

2/ Always arrive coming out of a big limousine and with 50 girls. But 50 hot girls only please and a very fat wallet.

1/ Or do as we do – tell them we are on the guest list and thanks to out dear Sonia our publicist –we are always on the guest list. How about you?

Door dimwits

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