When looking good is a matter of life and death.
If there is a time in your life you are obliged to look the part this week is it. That said we decided to provide you with a fail proof itinerary of what we don’t want to ever see you wearing this week as we take our rightful places at the upcoming collections this week at the NY Fashion shows.
10/ Flip flops. Never. WE don’t care what color they are and how cute they are- no, no, no!!!
9/ A T- SHIRT that says you give good head or something that also implies similar vulgar public denouements.
8/ Pashma scarves. Girlfriend, they have been over since 2001. Don’t even think about it, try it or even half try it. If we see with one we will burn it then and there. Rah!
7/ Beret worn with wrap around sunglasses, French cigarette and existential glare. This look is strictly reserved for Art parties not fashion parties. Please don’t even attempt to confuse fashionistas with your mock fashion innuendo!
6/ Slinky black dresses with hole on the side. It is a bad look and unless you are a 17 year old girl who doesn’t even know better don’t even dare, we will find you and make you change then and there bitch!
5/ Beads and clunky jewelry. No. Absolutely not. Keep this home and save it for your trip to Hawaii. We mean it, we will tear it from your throat if we catch you looking like Magnum P.I.
4/ Stovepipe skintight jeans with trucker hat and gloomy black t- shirt. No, this look doesn’t work for us! We will send you back to Bedford Avenue if you try to pull this look on us.
3/ Fat rolls and double chins. If we spot any of the above on you we will find you and quietly remove you from the premises. For goodness sake you should know better.
2/ Unwieldy haircuts, nose hairs and eyebrows. We will take out our little scissors and get to work on you. WE mean it!
1/ White home boy rapper shoes. If we see you wearing these we will make you take them off and mercilessly beat you up. This is not the Jay- Z video awards. We need you to be more original.