Dick (head) Cheney; The secrets he likes to keep from you…

daddydickcheneyWhat are some of the fun secrets Dick likes to keep from you? Let’s find out…

 

Well, is it a surprise that we just found out that under orders from former vice president Dick Cheney – the CIA were under a directive to keep secret from you a former counter terrorism operative? We of course don’t know what that all means, who was beat up, murdered, tortured or just plain invaded on- all probably (one assumes) for your good…

Anyway, keeping in line with the type of guy Dick really is we decided to wonder for ourselves what other secrets Dick probably withheld from you. Let’s all find out…

Probable secrets.
(1) DICK is really a bipolar pansy, who when not making fun of fags and trying to get them to stop marrying each other is dressing in tight velour suits himself and cruising those ‘fun’ secret spots that only die hard Texans know about, until they don’t know about them anymore…

(2) DICK in a former life and former universe was a DEMOCRATIC sympathizer and human activist. He rallied against the incongruities of big business, rallied for human rights, equality for poor and rich people and the right of everyone, even if they were illegal immigrants and not from the nice part of Mexico who wore bright shirts that said- ‘LIFE IS GOOD.’

(3) DICK was never really the CEO of any multinational energy companies (ie Haliburton) but really just the copy boy who ran errands and licked the feet of foreign dictators who he made sure to give wonderful deals even if it meant coercing the general civilian population and denying them popsicles in the hot afternoon sun.

(4) DICK once wanted to be liked by you but upon reaching adulthood realized he could never get over you teasing him about his childhood ‘comb over ‘ and was intent on punishing you for the rest of your life. Which he did…

(5) DICK is secretly running for president of either North Korea or Iran, depending which despot dies first. He apparently has first hand ties to the inside cabinets and is a definite shoe in. You’d probably vote for him too.

Boy it must be hard being Dick(head), but we think Dick will manage one way or another, after all- he’s fighting for you- assuming you’re rich,bi-polar and a little bit just like him…