“I REALLY like your iced tea, it’s the best!” I say, channeling the character Baby from Dirty Dancing.
“Uh, thanks,” he says and walks away before I can rattle of any other line from an 80’s movie.
Next, I move onto the two directors of the short, Asshole, Chadd Harbold and partner Bryan Gaynor who are worried about their friends getting carded at the door and admit they are “totally bummed that the week of free booze is over after tonight.” A little too young for my taste so need to keep on moving.
As I make my way to the back bar, I watch as clusters of both men and women gawk and take pictures of the Crunch Fitness strippers/instructors showcasing their Strip Pole class, as they twirl upside down on the poles. One partygoer says he “doesn’t think this could possibly be a real fitness class but is enjoying the show regardless.”
I can’t compete with doing naked splits, so I attempt to make my way into what looks like the Gen art VIP area, where I meet a guy named Ben, who seems totally cute, but mentions that his “plus one is a girlfriend who is on the Gen Art jury”. A photographer takes our picture at that moment sooner than I can say no so we smile and continue on talking with Ben.
But his plus one happens to be Laura Breckenridge, who currently plays hot-teacher on my favorite guilty pleasure, Gossip Girl, who gives me a dirty look upon making her way back to Ben as she enlaces her arm with his.
Too make matters worse, before I am able to make my escape, I spot “celebrities” Jennifer Love Hewitt and beau Jamie Kennedy making out in the corner. I need more vodka, maneuver my way to the main bar, which is now overly crowded with girls who are wearing frowns and extremely high heels that are stepping on me and men who are sporting a range of fedoras and blazers. The open bar is over in less than ten minutes and I am being shoved, jabbed and stepped on from all different directions. I think I need to call it a night.
Before I am able to do so, I bump into some guy with a box of pizza who offers me a slice, probably seeing the disappointment of the night on my face.
“I was just walking past the door of this party, got some free pizza and walked right in. What’s this party even for?” he asks as he inhales his one of two slices.
“I have no idea,” I say before I take the second slice he’s offering and thank him before I head out the door. I am minus a director but at least I didn’t have to pay for dinner.
Wait!!! Ron Jeremy was in town and i MISSED IT! Dang!