So you think you’ve got girl trouble worse than the other guy? You know what, you just might… But allow me to assuage your pain—it’s all her fault!
No matter the passage of time, since man’s earliest narrative recollections some things haven’t changed one bit….The ease with which blame and retribution are redirected onto women is still very much the practice in vogue and not yet to be put away, if ever. So, Eve conspired with the snake, seduced Adam to bite the apple hard…he as a result, with Eve in tow are evicted from Eden and for eternity forced to fall on hard times, pay rent and in many cases, are overburdened with monthly subprime mortgage payments not to mention the frivoulous, unverified investments made with that biggest snake of all, Bernie Maddoff at her behest. “Bitch,” he mutters behind clenched teeth and forever defines the terms and tone of domesticity between Him and Her…
Medieval Europe…. Just about any source of human suffering be it dementia or hemmorroids is conveniently attributed to some particularly hot looking, nubile wench and very quickly next, parlayed into the medieval equivalent of a modern day Beach Party (sans torching the hot babes but maybe torturing them a little) with a demonically possessed call to: “Burn the Wicked Witch-and-Light up the Fire Ye Good People of the Town!” which gradually devolves away from burning women and into drunken bar songs ensuing into pillaging Viking suarez’ across continental Europe. Ultimately it finds its true calling in international soccer club matches and hockey games with an abundance of equal opportunity of face clubbing into a bloody pulp, and, as such equally and randomly distributed among all participants. But in the far away, exotic land of Buddha, Karma and Dharma, so imbued with tranquil meditation, time honored TRADITIONS are not willfully relinquished despite ions of time… And upon today’s sisters of Eve there, change of time has yet to yield the fruit of right to life and dignity… And so honored men continue with honored ways of old as they first atune themselves to harmony with One and all Creation…become very still, surrender and relinquish emotion and transcend all human reason, civility and law and finaly, as one can afford it, (apparently many do)…obtain a generous amount of petrol (at least three gallons are recommended for a fair dousing) and with a song in heart and petrol canister in hand proceed to shpritz and douse her, strike the match and give her the very best sendoff one can with that one canister and soulful rendition of Debbie Boone’s 1977 hit “You light Up My Life!”
Why can’t they be more civilized like us…?