Home Pop Culture Gender roles: How to Please your Man and other Myths

Gender roles: How to Please your Man and other Myths

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Cosmopolitan: Gender roles
Cosmopolitan: Gender roles

Cosmopolitan: Gender roles
Cosmopolitan: Gender roles

Who’ really calling the shots between the sexes?

What’s in gender role? Who’s exploiting who? And is acting like a ‘man’ or a ‘woman’ just a meaningless term we like to use to reinforce stereo types? So much for equality for the sexes. Either way the least you can do is learn how to please your man and other myths.- Scallywag.

I am face to face with Cosmo magazine.  The cover boasts such prevalent female issues as; “Sex Bloopers that will make you LOL” and “8 things in your closet that make you look chunky” (note to Cosmo, it is the molten lava caramel cake I bought with the magazine that is making me look chunky, my clothes are mere victims).  I can’t help but feel that just from the cover alone I’m dropping IQ points, but then again maybe that’s the whole idea..?

Things like “New Guy: Our Classic Seduction Trick will keep him hooked” and “How to Double his Satisfaction” are the ‘de rigeur‘ and if you really want to get ahead it’s best to listen and stay posted- after all why wouldn’t I want to make him happy and please him in bed? It’s my god given right(obligation) as a woman, forget my smarts or personality.

Considering ‘Cosmopolitan,’ and it’s elk supposed to be a magazine celebrating the ‘fun, fearless female’ I’m really missing the whole feminist angle. Encouraging a woman to please her man in bed is vastly different than encouraging a society that is comfortable with a womans sexuality. I’ve never seen a GQ that has an entire covers worth of musings on pleasing a woman.  And judging by the several magazines I’m mulling over we’re such a desperate crew they really need not concern themselves with that anyway.

Why is it that magazines meant for women are typically about boys, clothes, or getting in shape.  Does that make sense? Are boys and size two dresses all we care about?  Is this the sexual liberation and gender equality that we talk about? Is walking down the street looking like a faux runway model more important than the act of actually being liberated?

Just because Britney Spears can sing and breathe heavily in “I’m A Slave For You” as she dances around in a scarf with a python doesn’t mean we’ve accomplished equality, it just looks like we have that’s all. Think about it. Britney still had to play the virgin card.  She still had to act sweet and tactful. And when she crashed and burned she was viewed as the victim, someone who was taken advantage of, someone that needed to be protected, when in reality she is one of the most accomplished and powerful female entertainers of our generation.

Most of the sexuality that is celebrated for women in our society is celebrated at the whim of men. There is nothing wrong with seeing the beauty of the human body.  Or exploring the power of sexuality. It is nothing new.  We are not the first generation to be infatuated by it and we won’t be the last. But along with the admiration of the female body has come the exploitation of it and the two really can’t be confused. It shouldn’t be a choice between a turtleneck and a plunging black mini dress. No women should have to choose between being a Madonna or a whore.

Let’s take someone like Samantha the fictional character from the show ‘Sex and the City’, someone who is sexual, respectful of her own body and totally independent and then ask people how they identify with her. Eight out of ten would probably classify her as a slut. And most women wouldn’t come to her defense because she is a woman, in fact it is quite the opposite.  Women are the first ones to judge other women on their behavior and their dress.

Whatever stereotypes or double standards are out there may have been initially put forth by men but they are closely abided to by women. We are not innocent bystanders as men force rules and regulations on us; in many ways we are enablers of our own inequality. Women are the editors of the magazines that make us sound like petty girls at slumber parties.  And it isn’t like these magazines don’t have an audience.  Women are also not so naïve as to be unaware of why they got a drink for free, or why they were let out of a speeding ticket. Women are aware of their power over men and I don’t think there is a woman on the planet who has never benefited from it.

So while I do feel men exploit women I can’t exactly ignore the fact that women exploit the exploitation. Pamela Anderson in an interview said that despite feminist criticism of Playboy, Playboy doesn’t exploit women, the women exploited Playboy.  I thought about that for a minute.  I realized that there is absolute validity to that point.  Ms. Anderson has made an entire living, an extremely lucrative living, off her body and her looks. Men are willing to pay money just to look at her in magazines and in movies; it begs the question, who really has all the power?


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  • edtastic

    Don’t fall for this predictable outdated crap. It might make you feel good about yourself to be a victim but common sense should lead you to different conclusions.

  • edtastic

    Again we see males sexual desire for women being vilified along with women’s desire for it. We don’t need to go to war with human sexuality to have equality and the fact the sexes like different things from each other might have something to do with their actually being different. The standards feminist set for equality are unrealistic and undesirable because their theories are unproven assumptions that defy our very real nature. What one calls sexual exploitation might be another’s enjoyable expression of sexuality. We needn’t adopt a gender role model created by moralizing gender theorist or theocrats. It’s not men driving women but our sexuality driving one another.

  • N

    I also very appreciated this article!

  • Stuckincoldcountry

    Anonymous, interesting theory. I have never heard some one be so honest about modern day feminism. I agree that women also benefit, or gain power, from current gender roles, and that we perpetuate our own discrimination, in a way. I applaud your passionate display of your beliefs.

    The caps are great!

  • M80

    Men have never unilaterally oppressed women because this is impossible.

    Men and women are evolutionary opposites who possess opposite sets of power and who have opposite sets of needs (for the other half, and thus traditionally were equally and mutually “oppressed” by the other half, as each gender had to negotiate a trade for the other half’s power.

    Men are designed for productive power and women are designed for reproductive power.

    Men view women as beauty objects (beauty is an indicator of reproductive power) and women view men as status objects (status is an indicator of productive power).

    Women gaining “free” access to male power has disproportionately impacted the lower (omega males) and middle (beta males) ranking men, while the top ranking men (alpha males) benefit greatly:

    -Women as a group have no inherent productive power, and need to plug into male systems to emulate such power. When they do so they are mostly only able to equal omega and beta males, and disproportionately displace such males from their status positions, who now become women’s equals or inferiors. Alpha males retain their superior power.

    -Women do not desire men who are inferior or equal to themselves; they view such men as childlike, effeminate or simply invisible. Women desire men who are superior, the only men they actually view to be “men”. Thus alpha males are the only men whom women respect and want to have sex with.

    -Women no longer need to trade their reproductive power with omega/beta males to gain access to male power, but those men still need to trade/pay women for access to female power. Thus women have become superior to most men, aside from alpha males.

    Conclusion: Feminism is affirmative action for women and alpha males. We now live in a polygynous society where a few men have most of the male power in women’s eyes, and thus get to have sex with most of the women, while the masses of remaining men are left powerless to fight over the scraps. Polygynous societies always end in disaster, and this time will be no different.

  • Cherry TV

    This all makes me feel so sad, especially the sex part. For some (many!) women, all they know about sex is what they read in Cosmo and such … and hence believe sex is all about pleasing their partner. No where does their enjoyment, or even understanding about their sexual responses, come into play (because of course it’s natural for a man to masturbate, but women, we don’t masturbate!). Society still believes sex is penis in vagina, he comes, end of story. And that’s just one of the things that has to be changed!

  • Stephanie

    That was smart, funny and depressingly honest. Give this girl a raise!