We like Lauren very much, we consider her sassy, misbehaved and a culprit in anything and everything mischievous. Then again that’s why we love her so much, but then again …maybe that’s why Anthony Haden Guest loves her too. Have a read and see what happens when you put two literary gems together…or rather what doesn’t happen. – Scallywag.
Last night at the National Arts council Fashion for Food Benefit.
AHG: Have we met?
SCV: No. Hi I’m Lauren.
AHG: I’m sure we’ve met.
SCV: I’m sure we haven’t.
AHG: I’m most sure we had a child together.
SCV: I could be your child!
AHG: My what a lovely thought.
As we smiled for the camera I puckered my mouth in a kiss so as to shift the cheekbones north and inflate the lips. Alas, if we hadn’t had a child we might have if I allowed him to continue: he whipped his head around, smashed his lips onto mine and went in for the kill. It nearly happened, for Anthony anyway, but if I was a single girl who would have known what would happened. Not Anthony surely, oh well, a scallywag will always be a scallywag…
Scallywag XX (Lauren) to Scallywag XY (CHRISTOPHER our Editor in Chief) at the National Arts Council last night.:
SCV XX: But I was sure you were bisexual!
SCV XY: Everyone says that, perhaps it’ because I’m a bit of a dandy.
SCV XX: Dandy indeed! When was your first time?
SCV XY: On the beach with a leggy blond. I was 18. She said are you fxxxxxx me?
I said yes, is that alright? And she said Of course! It’s wonderful!
And with that the male Scallywag walked off to mark his terroritory/terrorize another patron.
SCV XX (Lauren) to SCV OO (Sameeh– our Art Director)
SCV XX: You’re bi right?
Sameeh: I’m A-sexual.
SCV XY: Really? When’s the last time you had sex?
Sameeh: 7 years
SCV XX: You must itch?
Sameeh: No, not really, you?
SCV XX: Me? I’m married! Married women don’t have sex!
I love working for these guys…